Kev in Aus

What's My Name??

2009-06-23T15:25:00.006+10:00

Thanks for the comments on my last post folks. I know it sounds like I'm whining or what have you, but that's not my intention. Really, I'm very proud to be Canadian, but as someone said, once you've lived somewhere else, you see the cracks in the armour, as it were. It's still something I've been trying to work on since I've been home, but so far, unsuccessfully. But I digress...

As I was working a little while ago, a kid popped in with a resume, and handed it to me, all non-chalant (as kids often do). Of course, being the responsible person I am, I asked him the usual questions: What area do you want to work in, are you looking for full time, etc. After chatting with him for a few moments, i looked at his resume...

He had the same name as me....

Like, exact same name. Of course, I wouldn`t consider my name to be very unique (any quick look on Facebook shows over 300) but to actually come face to face with a person with my name was a little jarring. I literally blinked at him and asked word for word, "Is your name really Kevin Lambert or are you playing a prank on me?" Of course, he had no clue why I was asking that, I told him that it's also my name, and that he couldn't get a job here because we can't have 2 people with the same name working here. Too bad, we could have changed the name of the pub to the Kevin Lambert Club or something equally ridiculous. i should have asked him his middle name, in retrospect.

Suffice to say, he was not hired.

So work is getting busier, which is good, but I'm still trying to find someplace a little closer to home. Having to take 3 buses and the train to work sucks when I start in the morning. I have a couple options I'm looking into and 1 job which I'm pretty sure I was put on this planet specifically to do. I'm not going to say where it is, however, since I don't want to jinx it. Let's just say it plays to all my strengths and loves. (No, it's not the village drunk/idiot. I've applied, and I'm way overqualified)

I will be heading to Winnipeg in the next little bit, which could be in the next couple weeks. My roommate has to drive a queen sized mattress to Regina and we may just take the extra drive to Winnipeg, since he's never been there. One of our friends is moving back there at the end of June so we'll go meet her, and I can introduce him to all my zany friends as well. Once we know for sure, I'll be making phone calls, sending Facebook messages, and updating the sexual offender registry to let people know.

I would also like to say Congratulations!! to Jenn for having her bouncy baby boy (from what I recall, Jenn's family is 1/4 Vulcanized rubber).

6 Months Later....

2009-05-21T12:10:00.003+10:00

Well folks, it's 6 months after my last post (7 1/2 months since I've been back in Canada) and I'm pretty miserable. It's not just that things are different than Australia, but mostly that I just don't like it here. Maybe it's Calgary (I've since made the decision that it's an incredibly unattractive city) or maybe it's that I just went through winter again, but I'm just fed up with everything here. I've got a few options to get me out of here, but I can't really exercise those options because I'm working 2 shifts a week making barely enough money to support myself, let alone do anything about my situation (ie. go to school, move somewhere else where jobs are available, do more travelling, etc) and I'm so frustrated that I don't know what to do.

One thing I've noticed since I've been back is it's very hard to make new friends in this country. I've been working in a pub for 6 months, and I barely talk to anyone I work with outside of work. I chalk it up to the fact that everyone I work with already has their established circle of friends, so they don't feel the need to make new ones or hang out with anyone they don't know. The reality could simply be that I'm the weird old guy behind the bar. Who knows? In Oz (anywhere I worked, Sydney, Airlie, Brisbane) I pretty much hung out with everyone I worked with within the first week. Did the accent help? Likely, but I like to think it's because Aussies are far more open to newcomers than we in Canada are.

Another thing I found is that, while we Canadians like to think we're polite, it's really just because we're a bunch of passive aggresive assholes who don't like direct confrontation. Of course, that IS a generalization, but I've found it to be true more often than not. Example: Right now, our gas has been turned off because the landlord hasn't paid the bill. It's been off for the last couple days, so we've gone without hot water or heat in our place (fact: Calgary, and I believe most of Canada, has been unseasonably cold this week, with the temp today a balmy 5 degrees Calcius). Now, I don't have our landlord's phone number, but my roommate has texted him asking when it's going to be turned on, and we've gotten the answer that it will be tomorrow. Of course, being Canadians, we've been nice about it (sorry to bother you, but when can we get our gas turned on), but I feel it's OK to be pissed off, and it's OK to tell the landlord that this is bulls*** and we need to have it turned on right away or we won't pay the rent. but we'll just go along with it, and, in our typical fashion, we'll just leave the house a mess when we leave, or pay the rent a day or 2 late or something equally lame.

While travelling, I met so many people who just said what they want, or what they felt, and something occured to me. I respect those people far more than if they had simply been polite and let things go. Another example, I went out to a restaurant here a while ago, and the person I was with ordered a Caeser with no tobasco and just a little worcestershire. It arrived, of course, with tobasco and quite a bit of worcestershire. But instead of sending it back, or just telling the waitress, they simply said, "Oh, it's OK, I'll drink it anyways." Well, I sent it back and watched the bartender make it, just to make sure it was made the way that they wanted it.

But here's the thing, we're in such a 'for the moment' society, we don't think of far reaching consequences. If it wasn't sent back, the bartender would continue to make them that way for everyone, which would make people not like to order them anymore, which in turn would cause them to lose money, either by customers not tipping as much (because of crappy drinks) or customers not coming back anymore. Maybe that's exaggerating a bit, but honestly, it's not such a stretch. I can think of a few times when I've either stopped going someplace because of one bad experience that probably didn't amount to anything more than just one employee's laziness or bad day or whatnot.

Bah, I've been rambling these past few paragraphs, haven't I? Well, I've got a lot on my mind lately. Should I stay in Calgary? I don't know. Should I stay in Canada? I don't want to anymore, and that I can say in all honesty. I don't like the way we live, and since I've seen how other societies live, I can see deficiencies that I don't want to live with anymore.

I know this entry isn't nearly as entertaining as some have been in the past, and for that, I apologize. I just needed to vent some frustrations.

Perhaps the summer will be better for me...

Wow

2008-11-29T08:18:00.001+11:00

OK, so yeah, it's been months since I updated. Really, I haven't been too happy. I've since come back to Canada and I'm pretty much over it. It's nice to see everyone again, but, honestly, I love Australia. I actually miss everything about it, and when I run into something in Canada that's different, I wonder why we don't do things like in Australia. Strange I know, but it's how I feel.

Anyhow, so much to catch up on, and I'm gonna be heading out soon, so I'll update in the next couple days. I am still alive folks!

Hiatus

2008-07-31T23:09:00.002+10:00

Folks, I'm going on hiatus for a while. I'm moving out of my flat as my lease runs out next week, and back into a hostel. Things are going well, but I feel I have nothing of import to say in this blog lately, since I don't do anything but work, sleep and spend my money frivolously. I'll keep everyone posted through Facebook and rare phone calls.

Keep it real folks, I'll be back soon.

Get Yer Pope On!

2008-07-15T19:05:00.003+10:00

So we here in Sydney are "enjoying" World Youth Day (that being somewhat of a misnomer because it's going on for a full week, starting today and lasting until next Monday). I say "enjoying" because it's a huge pain, since most of the streets in the CBD have closed and those who need to drive or take public transportation into the city are hugely inconvenienced. For those of you who don't know what WYD is (and I suspect that's a large portion of you), it's essentially a huge Catholic meeting with thousands gathering to pray, attend mass, and generally make life completely annoying for those of us who are not religious.

The Pope himself arrived on Friday on his own Pope-plane, with his Pope-mobile, and I can only assume Pope-butlers. Here's what I think is completely asinine. He's here to preach about helping fellow man, sheltering the poor, and all that wonderful stuff Catholicism espouses, but he's charging $150 a head to attend his mass on Thursday. Seriously, man, woman, child, monkey, whatever, you gotta pay $150 just to be in his presence at Randwick racetrack to listen to him preach pretty much the same stuff that Father Jimmy O'Toole preaches every Sunday at the nearest church. Is that not complete bullocks and against the whole "bring God to the masses" ideology? Of course, some people would say it's just like spending $150 to see your favourite rock band or what have you, but I don't know a lot of people that would travel halfway around the world just to see a band, and spend their last dollars on it.

For those of you who may not know (again, I suspect a fair number of you) I would identify myself as being athiest. Now, I'm not against religion itself, I just think that if you're supposed to be helping your fellow man, charging people a ridiculous amount is not really the best way to do it. It pretty much ensures that only the rich will be able to attend, or the poor will have to become even poorer just to hear the word of God. And I'm not alone in this. Seeing as I work in an Irish pub, and Ireland is, in general, a fairly religious country, I've had the opportunity to discuss this with people who do attend weekly mass, and who identify themselves as deeply religious, and they also think it's pretty crazy.

So to summarize: the Pope charges too much for sermons, Irish people love beer, and I'm likely going to this Hell place I've heard so much about.

Merry Christmas!

2008-07-11T23:09:00.002+10:00

Ha ha, well, not quite, but it's Christmas in July here in Sydney (and really, I think in all of New South Wales). The pub is decorated with heaps of tinsel and wreaths and such. In fact, I am, as I write this, wearing a Santa hat in an internet cafe on my break. I'm sure people are wondering what drugs I'm on (hint: it rhymes with back rogaine). But it's all fun, and people are really getting into it. In fact, on the 25-27, there's a Yulefest going on in Katoomba, a town about an hour outside of Sydney, right in the Blue Mountains, and I'm heading there with Ash, Shawna, and a few Irish lads that Ash knows. Should be a good time, and it's one of the only places in Australia that occasionally gets snow, so we're looking forward to checking it out.

Otherwise, it's getting damn frigid in these parts. It's getting down to about 10 degrees at night, but the winds pick up to around 90km/h, which just makes it that much worse (as all my Canadian reader knows). And you can't find parkas around here without having to pay through a painful orifice. Luckily I have a nice woolen beanie to keep me warm! Hee hee!

Otherwise, nothing new on this end. Still awaiting on residency, and trying to get some money together to go to Thailand before heading back to Canada if I have to. But that's all in the initial planning stages. We'll see what happens in the next few weeks.

Cheers!

Happy Canada Day!

2008-07-03T22:09:00.002+10:00

Well, it was a couple days ago, but the sentiment was there. There was a pretty big Canada Day celebration going on at one of the backpacker bars in Sydney (Scubar) and it was a lot of fun. They were supposed to play Canadian music, and I asked the DJ to play some good old Canadian tunes (Tragically Hip, Spirit of the West, Sam Roberts that sort of thing) and he said, "Oh, I don't have those, I've got Avril Livigne, Nelly Furtado and Nickelback though." Yeah, they were born in Canada, but I was thinking more of like stuff that you would really only hear in Canada. Sad state of affairs. Though I did get a chance to play the Hockey Night in Canada theme over the sound system, so that was great. And we also sang the national anthem literally about 20 times over the course of the night. How patriotic we were.

Oh! Shawna's back in Sydney now. After living up in Airlie Beach for the past year and a half, she finally escaped the clutches and decided to come visit me in Sydney. She's sleeping on our couch right now until she finds work and gets her own place (or we kick out one of the flatmates and she takes their place, Your days are numbered Francie!) So that was fun, me, Ash and Shawna tearing it up like old times. Brings a tear to me eyes.

In other news, I've got just over 3 months left on my visa here in Oz and I'm not looking forward to having to leave. I mean, it's going to be great to see everyone again, but I know I'm just going to miss Oz too much. The past 2 years of my life have been the most exciting and, well, meaningful I suppose, and I just don't want it to end. But I'm still applying for residency, so we'll see how that pans out.

Other than that, not much is happening. We're clipping along, saving a few dollars and trying to get a few more things crammed into my time here (Fraser Island, Magnetic Island, the Snowy Mountains, etc) so hopefully I'll have some good pics up soon.

Cheers!

I've Been Goomba-fied!

2008-06-29T16:31:00.003+10:00

Not the best picture of me, by far, but the only one I could take when I remembered I needed to take this picture :)
Thanks Andrea for the awesome beanie! Since it's winter in Oz right now, it actually comes in handy. And now, back to our regularly scheduled lack of posting.

Musical Interlude

2008-06-10T08:09:00.004+10:00

Wow, it's been a long time since I've updated this. Really, I've settled down into a routine consisting of working, sleeping and occasionally defecating. I know, you're all jealous of this paradise in which I live.

Between bursts of excitement and adventure, I've been looking for some Aussie music to toss around to folks back home who have probably never heard of the artists, much less the songs themselves. As a public service, I'll pass along some of the more popular songs (via YouTube links) and you can decide whether you like them, hate them, or couldn't give a toss. Here are the nominees in no particular order.

The Presets - My People : Their new album, Apocolypso, is tearing up the charts here in Australia. This is the first single, and it's a real cracker. The video's pretty.... well... odd. But a good tune indeed. The rest of the album is pretty good too, kind of electronic rock type stuff. Give it a listen. Now!

Gabriella Cilmi - Sweet About Me : Sort of a Amy Winehouse sort of sound, but (in my opinion) far more interesting. Oh, and by the way, she's 16, so keep your thoughts Disney-rated.

The Veronicas - Hook Me Up : Twins from just outside of Brisbane, they've actually had a few top 10 hits, this being the one I like the most. "Untouched", "4Rver" and "Revolution" are also pretty good. You'll also notice that they *always* stand together almost kissing in all of their videos. It's creepy, but in a good way.

The Potbelleez - Don't Hold Back : Despite the ridiculous name, this is one of the more popular dance groups to come out of Sydney (even though they're actually Irish, they just recorded their album here and continue to live here somewhere). This video was made in the Moulin Rouge in King's Cross, the centre for strip joints and pokie machines in Sydney. And really, who doesn't want a TV for a head?

Cold Chisel - Khe Sahn : This is actually a song out in 1978 about the Vietnam War. Honestly, it's one of the only songs that I hear that will forever remind me of Australia, and really, Cold Chisel is one of the true Australian rock bands. Basically how he came back from the war, aimless and with a different perspective on life in civilization after being through hell. Heavy stuff in a jaunty tune.

Hilltop Hoods - Clown Prince : Now this is real Aussie hip-hop. The accents are very pronounced while they sing along. Isn't it odd how most musicians when they sing sound American? Anyhow, this song doesn't actually have a video to go along with it, so some dude made a video of people doing tricks on bikes. For another great song by the Hoods, check out "Nosebleed Section", or really, any of the other links on YouTube.

Flight of the Conchordes - Hiphopopotamus vs. Rhymenoceros : More hip-hoppy music, but this duo actually makes funny, goofy songs. They're from New Zealand, and they've got a TV show, which is where most of the clips are from. Another one I like is "Foux Da Fa Fa" which is them just saying random French words to a bouncy beat. "Baguette, haw haw haw!"

Sneaky Sound System - Pictures : Another dance song that I hear all the time, mostly because I work in a club, but also because it's a good dance tune. Their other popular tracks, "UFO", "Goodbye", and "I Love It" are OK too, but this is another one that will remind me of the late-night dance-offs in Sidebar.

Bernard Fanning - Wish You Well : Those of you that have heard of Powderfinger, Bernard Fanning is the frontman who had a few songs on his own. Those of you who have never heard of Powderfinger...

Powderfinger - (Baby I've Got You) On My Mind : This song isn't originally theirs, but they do a really good job I think. They're not my favourite band, but they've got a good sound, and apparently Bernie is a legend at songwriting.

Well, that's 10 tracks, and that should do you for now. I've got heaps more bands and I'll post a few when... well, really, when I feel like it. Though that will probably be never.

Cheers!

Happy Birthday to Me!

2008-05-11T14:00:00.003+10:00

Thanks to everyone for the birthday wishes! Well, it was actually last Tuesday, but I've been working/having birthday drinks purchased for me, so I haven't really had the time nor the sobriety to post properly. So I'm a little late, give me a break.

The past week has been pretty... um... well, relaxing and fun. Last Sunday, I went to see the worlds greatest DJ play in Sydney, Tiesto. For those of you who aren't really into the Trance/Techno type music, he's Dutch (yes, we all hate the Dutch) but it was, quite possibly, the best concert I've ever been to. He played for about 5 hours for about 10k people in the Hordern Pavillion, basically a big warehouse at Fox Studios. I assume it's just a sound stage or something normally, I don't know. I'll post some pictures up here and Facebook when I get to a computer whose USB ports work properly.

Life in the flat is going well. We're housing an English girl that Francie and I met last year, and who got me the job at Scruffy's. She did some traveling and then had to come back to Sydney (and Scruffy's) because she ran outta money. I was also able to secure a job for my other roommate Catherine so out of the 5 people who are in the flat, 3 of use work at the same place. Luckily, we all work the same hours, so we'll be sick of each other in record time!

My prospects for staying in the country are still looking promising. I was looking online to see what my options were and I may have to go to school to stay here the requisite 4 years. Which would be OK I suppose, since I'm dumb as a bag of wet socks and an edumacation would do me good. What to study though? Perhaps cooking or something. Since I worked at the hotel in a breakfast chef's capacity, I've actually come to realize that I enjoy cooking, and I coul use that to go pretty much anywhere in the world. Chef's are in high demand everywhere. But don't ask me to cook you anything dammit!

Aaaaaaaaand... endscene.

Crazy Gravedigger

2008-04-19T11:12:00.002+10:00

The title of today's post is an in-joke that I suddenly remembered the other day. Good god, I'm glad I don't still have that video. Those of you who know what I'm talking about, you know what I'm talking about.

Moving right along...

Things are clipping along nicely now. Got a flat, got a decent job (in which I work all the time) and I'm starting to settle in. Hopefully this will just be the start of an actual life in Australia. It's all up in the air right now (hasn't it been for the past year and a half, O my faithful reader?) but I'm really confident I'll be able to stay. If not, well, I'm not interested in thinking about the "if-not's".

Back to interesting things to say, I've mentioned that I'm currently living with some fine Irish folks. Well, it's been 3 weeks, and already 2 of them have had to go to the hospital for mishaps occurring, well, let's just say they happened on the weekends.

First of all, Francis, legend that he is, was walking across the street from the Tea Gardens (an Irish pub in Bondi Junction) to head to the 7-11 just to get some money out, when suddenly some big dude walked up to him and punched him in the back of the head, causing him to fall, break his nose, bruise his eye and so forth. Keep in mind, this happened on the FIRST NIGHT after moving into the flat. I wasn't there, of course, I was working, but Clare, one of my other flatmates, called me and left a message saying they were at the hospital and Francie had a bit of an accident. Portent of things to come? Oh yes indeed.

The next weekend, we decided to have a bit of a housewarming party to properly introduce folks to our pad. Not too bad of an idea, except I was called in to work, and pretty much missed the whole thing. Luckily, the crew piled into the pub around 2am and drank a whole bunch before getting thrown out. About an hour after getting tossed out, I get a text message from someone who was at the pub telling me that Clare decided to mop the floor with her face, and that she had gone to the hospital to get it looked at. She doesn't remember doing it, but apparently she needed to get out of a conversation with someone, so she just fell and landed straight down on her face. She also broke her nose, had swollen eyes, with the added bonus of rugburn all over her cheeks and forehead. She literally looks like someone punched her about the cranium and left her in a ditch.

Catherine and I have drawn straws to see who is next to go to the hospital, and sadly, I seem to have drawn the loser. Hopefully it'll be for something spectacular like being mauled by koalas or dragged down the street by a bus driven by terrorists before I wrestle them to the ground and disarm the explosives strapped to their bellies. Of course, it'll most likely involve me walking into a light post.

In the meantime, here's a question for you: Is it bad when people stop calling you their friend, and start referring to you as their "drinking buddy"?

Home Sweet Home

2008-04-03T22:36:00.003+11:00

Quick Update: I'm moving out of the hostel in which I'm staying and moving into a flat with an Irish friend of mine (Francis, one of the lads who came up to Byron for my birthday last year) and 2 other Irish girls. This is quite literally a snap decision as Frannie called me up tonight and asked if I wanted to move into an apartment on Saturday. I was thinking of finding a place in the next couple weeks anyways, so this just saves me the hassle of having to go apartment hunting. I was also not excited about having to move in with any number of completely random people, as so many backpackers do in Sydney. Details are sketchy at this point, but I'm going to be living just minutes from Bondi Beach. How's the weather back home, by the way? Hee hee...

That's all for now. I'll post in the next couple of days after I've moved in for a minute-by-minute account of the move-in process. Now that's time well spent!

Happy Easter!

2008-03-23T20:13:00.001+11:00

Happy Easter everyone! Hope the Easter bunny left you good chocolaty treats and very few rabbit nuggets in your houses.

So I'm working in an Irish pub right now. It's actually pretty fun, since I'm the only non-Irish guy working there, and only 1 of 2 Canadians in the whole place, so I'm starting to sound a little more Irish when I talk. "Yer man" tumbles out of my mouth every once in a while (as in, "I was talking to yer man the other day" which just means "I was talking to some guy". I know, Irish are cool!). It's also hilariously fun when I get to cut people off at the bar because they've been drinking too much (side note: In Australia, if a bar serves a person too many drinks, and the police come in and see he's intoxicated, the barman who served the customer personally gets a fine of $5500, and the bar itself gets a fine of $55000, so it's in my best interests not to serve people who are really drunk).

The other night, I told some dude he was cut off (keep in mind this was 4am), and he seemed to joke about it, "Give me 2 vodka lemonades now" type of thing. So I just told him, "No mate, you're cut off. You've had too much, I'll give you some water." He then actually started swearing at me, and I was concerned that he was gonna come over the bar at me. Luckily, the bouncers jumped on him soon enough and tossed him out, but it was still somewhat surreal. Moral: Don't cut off the Irish when they're on a big bender.

The good thing about the job is it pays well, and I work pretty much every day. The bad news is, because it's a 24 hour bar, and I'm the new guy, I work the 11pm-8am shift, shift means I have to clean up after everyone leaves. How many of you have seen an empty bar with the lights on after people have been drinking all night? Yeah, imagine the scene. It's rough. Plus, since I work all night, I rarely get to see the sun, since I sleep pretty much all day. But I'll just be doing this for a couple months to save up money (since I work all the time, and sleep the rest of the time, I spend very little money) then I'm off to parts unknown to have some more fun.

I'd also like to point out that I started there on St Patrick's Day. In an Irish Pub. In a city that has one of the largest concentrations of Irish outside of Ireland. It was messy. Fun, but terribly, terribly messy.

What else is going on in the world? How was your Easter? How was your St. Patrick's Day? I demand answers! :)

No, I'm Not Commando

2008-03-11T17:49:00.003+11:00

OK, now that I've sort of settled in again and not going crazy from the train trip, I'll do a proper post. I know both of you are thrilled.

So I stayed up in Halliday's Point, which was really cool. It is very much a sleepy little beach town of, perhaps, 200 people. It's very remote though, and I found it to be a little... well, boring to be honest. There was no internet cafe for 50km, there wasn't even a petrol station in town. There was only a Coles (supermarket), a butcher, a baker (and no, there was no candlestick maker. I know you're all thinking it. Because I thought the same thing), a post office, a pub an a golf course. An of course, the beach. It was great seeing my friends Jaryd and Monique again (I met them up in Airlie Beach an hadn't seen them for 6 months) but I found myself getting restless. There wasn't much to do around there, except go to the pub and drink, and I coulnd't even do that since there was no place for me to work. So I decided to head back to Sydney to find work, save up my money and head either to Perth (which I hear is amazing) or back to Brisbane (which I actually really miss. Mostly it's the people I met while out there. The city I could take or leave). I've got heaps of time to decide though so I'm not too stressed.

So my trip own to Sydney was relatively uneventful (except for the terrorists who wanted to hijack to train and use it as a control center in orer to take control of a top-secret government outer space super-weapon. This stuff happens all the time in Australia, an, to a lesser extent, really bad Steven Segal movies). What happened after I got into Sydney however, was the part that makes me sad. After I got off the train, I realizze that I left a plastic bag of various clothing in the overhead compartment of the train. So I went to report it, and the lady called ahead to the other stations, and said I could go pick it up at Sydney Central station, about 5 stops further down the track. Wonderful. Of course, I went there, and lo and behold, no bag. So I though to myself, "Well, it's only a few shirts I could live without, no big deal."

As I got up this morning to get dressed, I realize that the bag I had actually contained my 2 souvenir shirts (the Canada shirt from the time I broke the Sidebar Passport challenge record and my Staff shirt from the time I worked as the Activities Coordinator for Footprints hostel) all but 2 pairs of underwear, my only 2 pairs of boardie shorts, and a pair of jeans. So I've basically got all the clothes I usually don't keep in my rotation and I'm missing all my good clothes. Yarrgh! (By the way, that is the official Aussie mating call. Try it next time you're at the club. You'll get results! Fair Dinkum!)

But on the bright side, I found work today, and I'll be able to stay for free in a hostel (not legally of course. I'm totally flying under their radar. At least until they cotton on the fact that I'm not paying for the bed in which I sleep). So I've got that going for me.

I'm Not Quite Dead Yet!

2008-03-10T18:41:00.002+11:00

Yeah. I'm still around. But man, what a month it's been. I made millions in seashell recycling, then lost it all on pocket Kings. Eh... c'est la vie.

Really quick update, but I just got back into Sydney after spending a month in a place called Halliday's Point. (WARNING: Manitoba-centric analogy coming up) Imagine living in Camp Arnes (if Camp Arnes had really expensive homes) and having the nearest big town be Gimli. Yeah, it was remote. Nice and relaxing, but not much to do except lie on the beach. It's a rough life, I know, but you'd be surprised how crazy a person can get with nothing *NOTHING* to do.

Anyhow, I'll update more after I've gotten a place to stay and a job etc, but for now, please be content in knowing that I haven't perished at the claws and teeth of any rabid wombats.

OMFG

2008-01-24T10:20:00.000+11:00

Well, I've just found my new favourite store. It's a candy shop in the train station near my hostel in Brisbane. I know, what the hell kind of favourite store is that? Well people, I haven't had 2 of my favourite drinks in well over a year (Dr. Pepper and A&W Root Beer) and this place stocks them both. not only that, but they also stock all sorts of Canadian and American candies. Coffee Crisp? Check. Milk Duds? Check. Twizzlers, both flavours? Check and double check. In fact, as I type this, I'm enjoying my first A&W Root Beer in over a year. I forsee much of my income being quickly converted to tooth decay and diabetic shock. Lucky me.

In other news, I'm leaving Brisbane. I'm actually looking forward to it, because Brissie is starting to grate on me. It's not a terrible city, but I just need to move on.

Where am I going, my millions of readers are asking? Fortunately, I have some friends who live in Taree, which is about an hour outside of Newcastle, or about 3 1/2 hours north of Sydney. They've got a free room, live next to the beach (which also features a nude beach on one side. Score!) and I'm pretty much just gonna relax and take it easy for a few weeks.

Oh yes, one of my good friends from Calgary is supposed to be coming to Australia in a few weeks as well. it'll be cool to hang out and travel around with someone after so long of just doing my own thing. Don't get me wrong, I like being by myself. I don't have to worry about whether someone else wants to do what I'm doing, and I can pretty much make my own plans, but it'll be nice to just be able to have someone travelling with me, remembering the stuff that happened "last night" and crap like that. God, that sounds really weak... :)

And my good friend Ashley (who's also from Winnipeg. her best friend lived next door to me for 10 years) is flying back to Sydney to go to school. It'll be good to see her again too. She left Australia last... June? I think. Somewhere around there. Anyways, I won't be in Sydney for a month or so, and sadly, almost everyone we met last year has already gone home, so there won't be much of a reunion, but we'll certainly party it up again. Scruffy Murphy's, here we come!

And finally, on a somber note: RIP Heath Ledger. The whole of Australia is in mourning. I would say they're as shocked by this as they were about Steve Irwin dying. I went into work the other day, and some of the girls were actually still kind of in a daze about it.

Mmmmm.... Root Beer.....

Happy New Year!

2008-01-06T12:41:00.000+11:00

Quick update folks. For those of you I haven't spoken to in the past week or so, I'm sorry. Truly I am. I've been busy working my ass off trying to save money to get outta Brissie.

Hope everyone had a great holiday season, and a rocking New Year's Eve. I know I did (or rather, I'm pretty sure I did from what everyuone tells me).

How was your NYE?

Merry Christmas!

2007-12-26T21:08:00.000+11:00

Wow, I can't believe it's been so long since I've updated my blog. Actually, I *can* believe it because nothing exciting has been happening in the past few weeks. How was everyone's Christmas?

My Christmas was spent drinking a few with some friends I met on Christmas Eve. The hostel in which I'm staying had a free Christmas dinner (with turkey, ham, potatoes, gravy and everything else Christmassy) so I went to that, met up with some folks, and then proceeded to full my belly with alcohol. The evening is a little fuzzy, but from what I remember it was a pretty nice time. It was a little different than last years Christmas, which was spent in Sydney and my dinner then was a nice steak in Darling Harbour.

It's weird that Christmas isn't a big thing here. There's one big tree at the end of Queen St mall (just a big outdoor mall in the heart of Brisbane) and that's pretty much it. No other decorations to speak of, and we were even able to go to a couple restaurants and pubs on Christmas Day. Why do the Aussies hate the baby Jesus? They're heathens, that's why.

New Years will be spent in Airlie Beach this year, and I can't wait to go. I fly out on Saturday morning, and I'm staying until the 2nd. Should be good times. Has everyone got your New Years Eve all planned out?

What You've All Been Waiting For:

2007-12-08T23:31:00.000+11:00

I know I've been lax in my posting lately, but really, I haven't been up to anything exciting. I'm working pretty much every day, and Brisbane doesn't lend itself to a lot of fun. I'd have to take a train an hour north to Sunshine Coast or an hour south to the Gold Cost to find all the exciting stuff (SeaWorld, Wet & Wild Waterpark, Luna Park, Surfer's Paradise, etc) and I'm just too damn lazy.

In place of stories of adventure and derring-do, here are some pics from Airlie and beyond. Enjoy!

*NOTE* Stupid Blogger won't let me cut and paste pictures (probably because I'm on IE7 in Windows Vista. Vive la FireFox!), so these are in reverse chronological order. I hope that doesn't make anybody's skull hurt.

Here's a nice picture of my Auntie Diane and Uncle Ed, who came and picked me up from the airport in Brisbane after which we went out for some dinner. It was nice to see some familiar faces again after all this time. They went back to Canada recently. How silly!

Me, Shawna and Pauly (her boyfriend) after she got back from Canada. We ended up going to a handful of pubs around Brissie, and just hanging out and catching up. Now they're back up in Airlie, where I shall hopefully be in a month or so.

Caz and I clowning around after the bar. Had we found these before going out, I don't think we would have needed to go out at all. Seriously, pots and pans can provide hours of entertainment assuming you have a vivid imagination and a belly full of grog.

Me, Connie and apparently Santa decided to make an appearance on my last night in Airlie. And he's busting out gang signs. Santa then proceeded to pop a cap in some chump's ass and crunk it up. Word.

This is the celebratory parade in Airlie after some sort of festival. I'm gonna be honest, this was my last week in Airlie Beach, and my memory ain't so good. I think it has something to do with boats, or boating, or owning boats. Or maybe giant pig mascots.

This is one of my favourite pictures of Connie. This is just outside Mama Africa's in Airlie, easily the best bar I have ever been to, anywhere. I think this was taken at about 5am, and I had borrowed some random's mobile to make long distance calls back to Canada. Ah, the sweet memories.

This is most of the crew at Hoggies on Jesse's last day (he's the guy with the "I Heart Maps" shirt). Left to right is Dave, Me, Phil, Sara, Jesse, Connie, Holly and Kat. This is the last picture anyone has of Jesse. I think he's facedown in a ditch now.

This is the best picture I have of my Halloween costume. I'm being carried by the dude behind me (who, of course, has been firing back the PCP to be able to carry me for hours on end). The crazy witch next to me is Sandi, one of the Hoggies crew. She actually disn't know it was Halloween, she just always dresses like that. She *is* English, of course...

That'll have to be all for this round of pictures. Once I get out of Brisbane, I'll take some more. Unless there's enough people who want to see what downtown Brisbane looks like (hint: it looks a lot like where you live).

Hilarious Aussie Town Names

2007-12-07T23:46:00.000+11:00

Because I love making fun of other cultures, here's a list of the funniest towns I've found in Australia. Of course, other countries have funny names too (There are no less than 6 places in the US named 'Blue Ball'), but since I'm not in any other country, let's have fun at the Aussie's expense. They can take it.

10 - Tuggeranong, ACT : The only weirdly named place in the Australia Capital Territory, though to be fair, the ACT is only 910 sq miles (2,358 sq km). I would also like to point out that the official faunal emblem for the ACT is the gang-gang cockatoo, and that the ACT is "very lax in its recreational drug laws". That really does explain the cockatoo.

9 - Mirrabooka, WA : There are actually 2 Mirrabooka's, one in Western Australia, and one more in New South Wales. Scholars can't agree on whether this name refers to the Aboriginal name for the Southern Cross, or whether it means "the dog died here". Seriously? You'd think they'd be able to tell if the interpreter was pointing to the ground or the sky when they named it.

8 - Wangaratta, VIC : This just sounds like some horrible disease I never want to get.

7 - Wollongong, NSW : A suburb of Sydney, Wollongong has the distinction of being the only place called Wollongong.

6 - Booragoon, WA : I just like any place that has the word GOON in it. It's got a good ring to it. GOOOOOOOOOOON.

5 - Dubbo, NSW : Dubbo is located 400km away from Sydney, and they have an annual show called the Dubbo National Steer Hoof and Hook Show. In this show, they judge live and led cattle (hoof) or, and I'm not kidding, un-led and dead cattle(hook). I'm just going to have to assume the people in Dubbo are insane.

4 - Indooroopilly, QLD : Aboriginal for "gully of the leeches". Sounds just like the type of place I'd like to set up a town.

3 - Woy Woy, NSW : Woy Woy has been named the "largest above-ground cemetery in the world", a title which they proudly wear. I'm actually beginning to think that it's not just Dubbo that has crazy people.

2 - Wagga Wagga, NSW : Aussies seem to love double naming their towns for some reason. I'm gonna start saying I'm in Brisbane Brisbane, heading into Sydney Sydney. I'm getting a headache headache.

1 - 1770, QLD : Not "funny" per se, but I'm pretty sure this is the only town in the world that is actually a number. Oddly enough, with a population of only 250 or so, and reachable only by 2 roads, it gets a surprisingly large number of outside visitors who come for the fishing and water activites. That's all I have to say about 1770. What?

So Brisbane Eh?

2007-11-22T10:58:00.000+11:00

So I'm currently in Brisbane, and the mood is... well... meh. It's not a terrible place, mind you, there's just nothing going on here, much like Winnipeg without the rampant crime, prostitution rings, and killer penguins.

Brisbane's city motto is (currently) "Gateway to the Gold Coast". Basically, they're advertising that they want you to come here, only to continue on south to where the real fun is. It's like the self-depricating friend that tells people that his friends only like him because of his Playstation 3. Really, I've found Brisbane to be very similar to Calgary. It's about the same size, very hilly and moderate in temperature. How very exciting.

I'm currently working 2 jobs though. During the morning I'm the breakfast cook at a restaurant. Yeah, I make bacon, eggs, toast and such (no hash browns though, and I would kill someone for some good has browns right now). It's easy work, and I get to eat all I want while I work, so it's not too bad. I'm also waiting/bartending on weekends, so I've got something else to do during the evenings. The bad thing is that I'm really, really bored.

Brisbane is just too... I dunno. Big maybe? After living in Airlie Beach for 6 months, I've gotten used to the small town feel. You walk down the street and you can see at least a dozen people you know and can just chat to. In Brisbane, or any other big city, you're just another face in a crowd of thousands. Small fish in a big pond and all that. This concerns me, for what am I going to do when I get home to Calgary?

I've been mulling over this for a while, and I haven't quite made a decision. I'm thinking I may head to Banff or Canmore or one of those places. No idea, just playing around with some options I guess.

Um... Oh, Shawna came back to Oz! She did the same thing as me, defrauded the government, and was able to come back. She's in Brissie right now, but I haven't met up with her yet. I'm working all the time, and it's tough to find time to get together. Soon enough though, and then it'll be good times all over again. Maybe this time we'll stay out of jail *cough*

I also understand the Bombers and the Riders are going to the Grey Cup. I can't believe it after how many seasons? 10 at least, the Bombers are back in the running. I can't wait to hear who won. I've always said if the Bombers can't do it, go Riders, but you know what? Screw the riders, I hope they all die in a fire.

And on that note.....

Oh Oz, You Know Not What You've Done

2007-11-13T14:03:00.000+11:00

Well, my massive bribes and blackmailing seems to have paid off, as the government has seen it fit to allow me to stay here for another year. Woohoo! Of course, this means I won't see most of you for even longer, but you know what they say: Absence makes the heart something something.

In other news, I'm down in Brisbane now, just hanging out, looking for work, that sort of thing. It's not bad, but it's really strange being in a big city (approx 2m people) after being in Airlie (approx 3 1/2 people). It's just so damn busy around here!

I had a nice visit with my aunt and uncle, who actually extended their stay in Brisbane because I was arriving a day later than I thought I would. It was nice to see some familiar faces again, and have a nice chat about where they had gone and how screwy Australians are (honestly, they use a 2 button system on their toilets, I'm not even joking).

The last 2 weeks in Airlie were, quite literally, the most intense I've ever had to endure. Mostly because I wasn't sure if I'd be staying in the country, but also because I was taken out drinking repeatedly by the kind folks I work with and such. Honestly, I look back on my pictures and I don't remember a lot of them, but they show I seemed to have been having fun. Lucky me.

And if you're lucky, I may just call you at 5am and leave a really drunken message on your machine *cough*

Oi...

2007-11-04T19:45:00.000+11:00

I'd also like to mention that, as of Wednesday, I'm a svelte 69 kilos (roughly 147 pounds). Check me out. Being 179cm means I'm right within my weight-to-height ratio. So luckily, I won't die tomorrow for being too skinny or too fat, Woot! :)

Limbo

2007-11-03T22:17:00.000+11:00

So I've taken my medical and x-rays and everything *seems* to be in order. I have my x-ray and, yes, I do have a heart and a ribcage. Other than that, I'm baffled as to what they could be looking for. But everything seemed to go ok, other than the hearing test which I probably failed spectacularly (I don't know cuz I couldn't hear what she had to say. Ha!). So I'll find out in a couple days whether I'm allowed to stay in Oz for another year.

In other news, Halloween came and went and, without tooting my own horn, I did have the best costume in Airlie Beach. I have better pics, but in the meantime, here's what my costume sort of looked like:

Of course, it's difficult to see, but there's a dude carrying me around in the rubbish bin, the guy wearing orange. Naturally, the guy wearing orange isn't real, and he has my legs so it just looks like I'm being carried around. Regardless, it was a big hit on Wednesday night.

By the way: That's Sarah (English), me, Phil (Aussie), Sandi (English) and Connie (Aussie).

Not much else for now. Once I find out if I'm staying or what-not, I'll have more interesting things to say. Sadly, you'll have to survive on this postlet.

Leaving Paradise

2007-10-26T16:09:00.000+10:00

Well folks, I'm leaving. I've got to get out of here in the next few days.

Wait, I'd better clarify that. I'm leaving Airlie Beach, not Australia :)

I've been here for almost 6 months, and as much as I love it here, I need to see other parts of this country. I've given my notice, and Halloween will be my last day. Also, as an aside, Aussies don't celebrate Halloween as such. Nobody gets dressed up, goes trick-or-treating or anything like that. I've actually had to explain what Halloween is to some people.

Anyhow, because I work at Hoggies, I've initiated the Halloween celebration and dress up for the staff. For those of you don't know, I had a costume a couple years ago that won me second place in the Calgary Halloween Pub Crawl, and I'm going to resurrect it again this year. I won't tell what it is, but I will have pictures up, I promise.

Anyways, back to me leaving. I'm going to head to Brisbane for a month or so, and staying with a friend of mine, Rachel, who was up here for a couple months before heading down to the big city herself. It should be a good time, and after I get my taxes back and all my medical stuff taken care of, I'll be set.

Of course, this all hinges on me passing my medical tests, and not having a chest cavity full of cancer or whatever they're looking for. I'm pretty confident though, as I've only been sick twice in Oz, and I clean my system out pretty regularly with copious amounts of healing alcohol.

Oh! My aunt and uncle are currently in Australia. They are up in Cairns right now (pronounced like "Cans" of soup, not the way it's spelled). After they do their touristy stuff up there in the rainforest, they're driving down the coast, and will meet up with me in some random place. It all depends how long it takes them to come down, but I'll either meet them in Airlie, or in Brisbane. Either way, it'll be nice to see a familiar face after all this time.

And of course, thank you to those of you who sent the comments regarding my being here for a year. It's been, quite possibly, the most interesting year of my life (barring the year I spent in the Calgary run of A Chorus Line where I was line dancer #7).

Cheers folks! Join me for my next installment where I discuss the proper way to eat vegemite and I'll have some astute observations of the political climate in Australia (hint: it's looney tunes).

1 Year Later....

2007-10-09T22:40:00.000+10:00

I have officially been in Australia for 365 days as of today. I wanted to post a big note about a bunch of random things today, but I didn't get a chance earlier, and my bus is coming soon.

It has been a full year since I last saw anybody from back home, and I miss each and every one of you. I hope the past year has been as eventful and mind-opening as mine has been.

I'll post more tomorrow, but for now, I'll just say that this year has been the best year I have ever spent. Lots of laughs, experiences, and many many dead brain cells.

Cheers everyone!

Pics!

2007-10-05T21:39:00.000+10:00

OK folks, here's some pics I know you've all been waiting for:

Here's the lot of us at work on International Talk-Like-A-Pirate Day. I'm the one with the brown shirt, in case you've forgotten what I look like...

Here's the Brisbane Broncos. The guy in the white hat in the middle was none-too-happy that I asked to get his picture, but really, he can go screw himself. Get used to it, buddy. At least I wasn't some 18 year old girl drooling over him and wanting to take him home. Er... maybe THAT'S why he wasn't very happy.....

Here's my buddy Riz passed out on a barrel of Jim Beam in Mama Africa's. He's a cheap drunk. He only finished 3/4 of the barrel!

Who's that handsome devil?

Well, the internet cafe I'm currently using is just closing up right now, so I'll stop here for a bit. But I'll have more for you in the coming days, including the secrets to how they get the caramel into the Caramilk bars (hint: Black Widow Spiders. I've already said too much), and the best way to remove rabid monkeys from your closet.

Gutted!

2007-10-03T14:28:00.000+10:00

I'm absolutely furious with myself right now. I was lying in bed last night, thinking about the fact that I've been here a year (as of one week yesterday) and I thought, "Hey, I should look over some of the pictures I've taken over the past while and reminisce." So I looked on a few CD's, and lo and behold, no pictures. I looked through some more, and still no pictures. In a panic, I ransacked my room, found every single CD and DVD I have, and looked through them, and yet, no pictures.

The point? I've lost all my pictures from October 2006 - April 2007. New Years, Christmas, Heron Island, Sydney Opera House, Beach Walk from Coogee to Bondi: Gone, gone, gone.

I do still have my pics from my birthday and beyond, but I'm really upset about my losing the others. I've got pictures in there from people I haven't seen since I left Sydney, and people I will probably never see again, but who I still keep in touch with.

But anyways, things are clipping along here. I'm probably going to be leaving Airlie in the next few weeks. It's a great place to stick around for a while, but I can't see myself staying here for much longer. There's not much to do unless you sail often, and I work too much to be able to enjoy the sun. Plus I have a friend in Brisbane who is offering her place for a few weeks, so I may take hr up on that. It'd be nice to get into a city where I can do more than just go to the pub and drink. Like, I'll have a bunch of options where to go and drink! Wow!

My plans have changed yet again as to what I'm going to do. Providing I pass my medical (which I still haven't taken because I have to go to the next big town, which is a 4 hour drive away, which means I have to take 2 days off work, and it costs about $400 for the tests, etc etc), I'm going to apply for a working visa in NZ, stay in Oz till April, go to NZ for the weekend and get my visa stamped and started, come back to Oz to stay for the remainder of my visa here, which would be till October next year, then fly back to NZ and stay there for the rest of my visa there, which would take me till April of 2009. After that? Who knows. That's as far as I've planned so far, and honestly, it's probably as far as I've ever planned ahead in my life. Hell, I don't even know what I'm going to eat for dinner tonight. Pizza? Hmm........

Anyhow, hope everything's well back in the Americas. I'll chat with ya soon!

Yarr Me Hearties!

2007-09-20T16:12:00.000+10:00

Yes, it's that time of year again. The decorations are up, and costumes are on, and everyone's in the spirit of the times. That's right, it's International Talk-Like-A-Pirate Day. Actually, it was yesterday, but the 2 of you who are reading this are still in a part of the world where it's September 19th when I'm posting this, so I'm safe.

What did we do on this most holiest of holy days? Why, dressed up as pirates of course! We wore our pirate gear at work, served people their grub and grog, and threatened to make people walk the plank if they couldn't come up with enough pieces o' eight for their meals. Or as I like to call it, "A Typical Wednesday Night". Good times were had by all, except the guy we keelhauled. He had some issues.

I do have a couple pictures, but I can't post them from here. Hopefully I'll get some up in the next few days.

Oh! We had some special guests at lunch today, though their not too famous for me. 10 members of the Brisbane Broncos came in to Hoggies for lunch today. For perspective, this would be equivalent of the Vancouver Canucks and Jesus walking into a pub in Kelowna and grabbing some drinks. I suspect Jesus would simply order a water though, and still come out pretty hammed. The locals around here were practically wetting themselves over the thought of having them here, so I was the one who had to look after them. I was also able to grab some pics of them too, but, again, I'll have to post them later. Good lads, but they didn't even tip. Good thing I put that botulism in their steaks. Win the finals now, jerks!

Not much else going on folks. Business as usual in the resort town. Zing!

5 Best Aussie TV Shows

2007-09-09T23:12:00.000+10:00

So other than working, what do I do with my time? Well, since I tend to work 6 days a week at a minimum, I don't do a heck of a lot. In my off time, I tend to do nothing but watch TV, read, or practice playing my guitar (I'm still terrible, by the way). For those of you not familiar with Aussie TV, here are my 5 favourite shows, which you can probably download from YouTube:

5 - Bondi Rescue : Basically a reality show where they show lifeguards saving people's lives, competing in meaningless contests, and bragging about how much they can drink. I don't watch this very often, since it's never on when I have a day off, but when I was living in Sydney, I would watch it all the time. I even caught the camera crew a few times filming since I worked in Bondi for a while. It was pretty cool, and they would occasionally show topless women sunbathing on the beach. Score!

4 - Border Patrol : Yet another sort of reality show in which security guards in the airports or coast guard would bust people for trying to bring drugs, alcohol or unregistered snakes into the country. I dig it cuz I like watching idiots try to lie there way out of being caught with half a kilo in their luggage. You didn't know it was there? Oh, well, well just let you go then. Dumbass...

3 - Rugby Union/Rugby League/AFL : Really any sport that Aussies love is a treat to watch, since they go crazy for it. I've honestly never seen a group of people more dedicated to their sports than Aussies. The Rugby World Cup is on right now (Go Canada!) and the town pretty much stops when there's a game on, since most countries are represented in Airlie. But any other day of the week, when one of these is on, people are glued to their TV's. I'd also like to point out that, yes, even the Aussie women love watching rugby and AFL (mostly AFL for some reason). Canadians don't hold a candle to the Aussies when it comes to loving their sports teams.

2 - The Chaser's War on Everything : Brilliant satire and observational humour about the world around us. These are the guys who broke through the tight security net around the Sydney CBD this past week (dressed as Osama Bin Laden) claiming to be Canadian PM Stephen Harper and exposed the massive spending on security as a big waste of taxpayers money. But it doesn't end there. You can definitely grab some clips from YouTube, and I'd suggest you do, because everything I've seen from this show makes me laugh. It's like the Daily Show, but way funnier.

1 - Thank God You're Here : Everything about this show is great. The idea is that a comedian is given some sort of costume, gets thrown into a situation without any prior knowledge, and has to improvise the storyline, and gets a score based on how good he was in the scenario. Example: One of the contestants was given a Sherlock Holmes type outfit, knocked on a door, and was put into a situation where he had just visited the queen and had some startling information (I can assure you, it's much funnier than I can portray). Top notch comedy, and I'd highly recommend seeing some clips. Sadly, they recreated this show in the US, and it wasn't nearly as funny. Seriously, go to YouTube, find any of the clips with Josh Lawson, and if you're not laughing in 5 minutes, you should just stab a fork into your eye, because you need serious help. If you must watch it with North American accents, Harland Williams does a pretty good job as the professor.

And..... end scene.

Good News?

2007-09-08T14:47:00.000+10:00

Really quick update here folks. I've applied for my visa extension, and it's been approved *pending a medical and/or chest x-ray*. WTF? Of course, this means travelling to Brisbane for a couple days, getting it done, and having the documents all sent into the government. Bah!

However, my bridging visa has been approved, which basically means that I'm allowed to stay in the country as long as my visa is being processed, which could take me beyond my October 9th deadline. Woohoo I guess.

Still, what could they possibly be looking for now that they didn't think was important enough before I came here to begin with? I dunno. Maybe stray bullets? I inhaled some crack I've been trying to smuggle in for 11 months now? How very strange.

This is somewhat good news, however, in the sense that I'm pretty sure I'm in good enough health to be approved after this has been done.

Over and out.

I'm Down With the Sickness

2007-09-03T21:12:00.000+10:00

Australia right now is currently going through a big economic crisis due to the Equine Flu. Yes, that's right. Horses getting a little sniffle is causing huge problems in Oz. This isn't because horses are used for transport or anything like that (though I'm sure it is in some of the outback areas), but because of the large amount of betting that goes on in the horse races. Economists reckon that the country has lost billions in the past week because they have quarantined heaps of horses in all the states. New South Wales (where Sydney is) still has a few cases popping up now and then, so they're still under quarantine, but the other states are up and running. Of course, trainers are actually staying away from the tracks because they don't want their horses to catch the flu and have more outbreaks. and the TAB depots (betting halls) are feeling it too, because punters bet on horses, not on dog races (although with the quarantines, greyhounds are seeing a lot more action just to keep people happy.

In somewhat related news, I've been hit with a flu of some description for the past few days myself. Nothing too major, and I'm sure I'll live. I did go to the doctor and he assured me I'm OK. Turns out you have to actually BE a horse to get the Equine Flu, not just hung like one.

That was a long way to go for a really bad joke.

At any rate, I was able to head out on a yacht for the Fun Race on Saturday. It's just a chance for everyone to go out and sit on their boats and drink piss all afternoon. It was a lot of fun, and I actually got a chance to learn a little about sailing and such. It was recommended I take a Competent Crew Course so I can actually sail a boat and know my port from my starboard (I already know these, of course). I may end up doing that if I'm here for a while.

And in that vein, I'll be applying for my visa extension in the next few days, so I will hopefully know my fate by the end of the week. I know you're all dying to know what I'm doing next, all 3 of you.

Cheers!

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

2007-08-30T17:09:00.000+10:00

Could I possibly have picked a more cliched title for this entry? Possibly, but I didn't. Irregardless, there have been a few interesting things happen in the past few days.

First of all, it's currently Race Week in Airlie Beach. Basically, it means the community (formerly around 3,000 people) swells to about 15,000 as yachties from all over Australia come to compete in single-hull, multi-hull, and presumably infinite-hull races around the bay and to the Whitsunday Islands. It's an exciting time for anyone who knows anything about sailing. Growing up 3500km away from the nearest ocean, however, has dulled my enthusiasm. Nonetheless, there are heaps of interesting people in town now, and the restaurant hasn't been busier. In fact, I even got to run around in the Hog's Breath mascot outfit (just a big pink pig with a giant fork and knife). Huzzah!

In other news, we have a new boarder in the house. He's Korean, and he's attending English school down the street. I don't know his name (despite him being there for 3 days now) simply because when he goes to school, I'm still asleep, and when I get home from work, he's asleep. I'm sure he's a nice guy, but I know he doesn't speak English very well, and has just come to the country. I've been able to Sherlock this fact out by looking at his toothpaste, which has not a word of English on it, but instead is covered with cryptic symbols and devil horns. Just like all Koreans.

Speaking of which, I don't want to perpetuate the stereotype, but it all seems a little too coincidental, if you know what I mean. We had 3 cats in our house last week, Satin, Hobie and Tinhead (because when they found him, his head was stuck in a soup can. How adorable). Anyhow, I came home last night and Billy told me that we are missing a cat. Tinhead seems to have disappeared. He would never miss a meal, but he's been gone for 2 days now. I'm not saying anything, I'm just saying.... *cough*

Anyhow, things are plugging along nicely here in Oz. I have a few days left in which to decide what I'm going to do, saty here for another year, go somewhere else, or just go home (Cue Final Jeopardy music). Wish me luck!

Responses

2007-08-02T16:30:00.000+10:00

Instead of responding in the comments section (which would take up a huge amount of space) I'll just reply to peoples queries in the regular text. Sorry to those of you who didn't ask, but it needs to be said.

Or something...

Anyhow, no I don't have any pictures of my new place or really any of Airlie Beach. My first Camera (an HP something-or-other) was broken on Heron Island. My second camera (Nikon S6 I think) is no longer in my possession. I won't get into it, but suffice to say, I'm gutted that I don't have it. My computer is also acting strangely, though I'm sending that to Brisbane in the next few days to get it fixed. Hopefully all will be well in the next couple weeks. Yay!

As for hostels, I've stayed in a number of them in Australia, and the best one in Sydney (in my opinion) is WakeUp! (The exclamation point is in the name, I'm not trying to shout that, I promise). It's right in the CBD close to the train station and Chinatown, it's really clean, and it caters to the backpacker who doesn't mind spending a little extra money to get comfort as opposed to simply a bed. Of course, staying in a hostel means that you're going to have to put up with 18-22 year old people from the UK coming home at all hours of the morning, and generally being stupid.

Keep in mind, of course, that I stayed in dorm rooms all the time, with 4-10 people in them. There are double rooms with ensuites and such, but I don't know how expensive they are. i've been in a handful of them, and they look really nice, but it's really not much different than a regular hotel.

I also stayed in Footprints Westend (now named Legend Has It... Westend, which is quite possibly the most ridiculous name for anything I've ever heard, outside of naming a boy Melvin). It was my favourite hostel, but only because I worked there, and I got to know a lot of my friends through that one. It's much more geared for people to socialize than WakeUp! is I think.

The other option would be the YHA Sydney Central. These 3 hostels are all within a few blocks from each other, so they're all close to everything. I didn't actually stay in the YHA and in fact, have never even set foot inside, but it's apparently really nice, and it's more for the older crowd who doesn't want to pay for a hotel in Sydney (which pretty much starts at $150/night plus a pint of blood), but also doesn't want to slum it in a 10 person dorm with the aforemention drunks from the UK.

One final note, no matter where you go in Australia, cockroaches and big "what-the-hell-was-that" spiders are a way of life. The cockroaches are just a nuisance, but they're all over the place. The spiders, on the other hand, can be dangerous. Funnel web spiders can live anywhere in the city. I've already killed a couple of them in Airlie Beach, and they just keep coming back for more. Not "Arachnaphobia" type infestations, mind you. Still, I wouldn't want one to jump on my back, cuz they've got big sharp pointy teeth and I believe they're immune to poison, radiation, ninja stars and Michael Buble.

Don't mess with them, is what I'm trying to say.

Kevin = Not Homeless!

2007-07-21T16:22:00.000+10:00

Hostel living has its advantages and disadvantages. First off, it's a lot easier to meet fellow travellers if you're in the same room or sharing a bunk bed. They show up, you say hello, and you're instant friends (providing they can speak English). It's also usually cheaper, and close to alot of the good things about the town. For example, the hostel in which I was staying, Beaches, has a bar right outside the front door, an Internet cafe on the main floor, and is pretty much right in the centre of town. I'd be able to go home on my 2 hour break from work, eat lunch, and snooze for a good hour before heading back. Times were good.

The downside to hostel living is that you're pretty much never alone. People come in to the room at all hours of the night, usually blind drunk, making noise and/or vomiting all over the place. In fact, I've had more than one occasion where people would get up in the middle of the night, and pee right in the middle of the floor, then go back to bed, not having any idea that they just whizzed on someone's backpack. Yeah, that's fun. Also, no hostel that I've ever been in has had a bathtub, all just showers. I haven't had a bath in months (I have showered, you smart-asses).

I have, however, been able to remove myself from that situation entirely by renting a room in a house just outside of town. Basically, I'm living in a 4 bedroom house with one woman (the owner of the house, but she's leaving next week to go to Brisbane for some massage course or something like that) and a retired motorcycle repairman. We're the original Odd Couple! Luckily, it's fully furnished, has a huge deck and an amazing ocean view. The downside is that it's a half hour walk away from town, and though the bus goes right by, th bus service in Airlie stops at 10pm, so I'll likely have to make a lot of long walks home at night. I'm sure I'll live, my legs are pillars of steel and rubber balls.

If anyone feels the need to have my address, email me and I'll be more than happy to send it to you. I wouldn't post it, for fear the Feds get a hold of it, and send out more assassins. Luckily, my protective wombats are deadly fast.

Other than my newfound residence, nothing much is happening. I'm still waiting to hear about the sponsorship, and will be looking into extending my visa any way possible. Anybody know any Aussie ladies that would be willing to marry me in the next 2 months? Anyone? Anyone? Beuller?

Bah...

2007-07-14T23:10:00.000+10:00

Well folks, things seems to have stalled in Airlie Beach for now. Turns out that sponsorship may only be available for skilled labour, and bartending/waiting tables doesn't count. Luckily, we may be able to apply for a tourist area consideration, which basically means that since not a lot of actually live around here, and it's mostly backpackers or vacationers, then they may make an exception. I'm just crossing my fingers about that though.

In the meantime, I'm looking into getting my visa extended through legal and possibly grey-market ways. I won't get into it, in case the feds are on my tail (aren't they always?) but it involves a large box of scotch tape, 3 gorillas and a whole lot of peanut butter. I may already have said too much.

Other than that, I don't have nay more pictures to show anyone right now, but I will hopefully have more to add in the next couple days.

Cheers!

Whew...

2007-07-08T14:35:00.000+10:00

While reading through some of my older posts (and honestly, who doesn't read month old posts on blogs?) I've realized that it's been a while since I had any pictures on here. Truth be told, the biggest obstacle to that is that my computer's USB ports don't work. Also, I don't have my camera anymore, and will have to find camera number 3 somewhere. I do still have my card, so I'll use this time to post some pics some people may not have seen.

Oh, before I do, those of you who are on Facebook, feel free to add me as a friend. I'm on there fairly often, and I have updated pictures there as well.

Here goes:

Evidently these pics will be in a completely random order, as I can't preview them before I post. Anyhow, this was on my birthday weekend in Byron Bay. Gani fell down below the ATMs, and Andy decided to act like a bum, and pass out next to her. Really, this is just one of many times we all fell on the ground. I have a number of random shots of the sky from this night, and pics taken from ground level :)

A nice shot of Ashley, Andy, Gani and me. 2:30 and we're gonzo.

Francis yelling at me for some reason. I "believe" that's a shot of tequila, you know, since I'm holding a lemon, and grimacing like I just got kicked in the balls.

Francis is showing us the proper technique to "slap the goon" (Goon being a bag of "wine" that's super cheap, and gives you the worst hangover imaginable).

This is a shot of the every popular "Pleasure Chest", a chain of... um... 'dancing' clubs around downtown Sydney. I've never been inside, but I hear they're pretty skanky.

OK, that's all the pics I have for now. I'll update with some more later today or possibly tomorrow.

Cheers!

Work, Work, Work

2007-06-24T10:29:00.000+10:00

So since about 2 weeks ago, I've been working 2 jobs: Waiting tables at the Hog's Breath Cafe up here (the first one in Australia) and in a Fish and Chip shop. Yes, I literally work frying up chips and battered fish. It's good because I get to eat and drink for free while I work, so I've been saving up my 5cent pieces through that, but I work 7 days a week, about 60 hours in the week, so I'm tired and don't have a lot of time to do anything exciting. That is all about to change....

I was chatting with my boss at Hoggies last night, and, while I've only been working there for 2 weeks, they want me to become a sort of "supervisor" of the staff some of the nights I work. Basically, assign sections, come in early to set up the restaurant, stay late to close it down, that sort of thing. Pretty much working full time, as opposed to the 20-15 hours I work now for them. That's not even the best part...

In order for me to work there, I've pretty much told them that I would need to be staying in the country after my visa expires in October. So they're going to sponsor me to stay! WOOT! This means I'll be here in Airlie for 2 years, after which I can apply to become a resident. Huge relief, since I won't have to do the fruit-picking thing, and they pay for all the costs associated with the application, so I don't have to spend thousands of dollars just to get rejected because of my multiple homocide convictions. Those monkeys deserved to die, I told the judge that!

So that's my latest news. This means I won't get to see most of you for a few years, or possibly when I decide to fly back for a visit, which may be this Christmas, or just a random couple of weeks sometime in the near future. Once I get citizenship, you're all invited to visit me and take up space on my couch, or spare bed, or whatever i have available at the time.

Cheers!

Quick! Man the Monkey-Cannons®!

2007-06-09T11:42:00.000+10:00

Hey folks! Wow, it's been a while since my last blog entry. Sorry bout that. Things have been pretty... um... well, rough around here. This'll be just a really quick update, as I don't have a lot of time on the internet here. What's happening with me?

Well, I'm in Airlie Beach now (which is amazing BTW. I'd highly recommend people take a weekend trip out here if you can), and for the first couple weeks, I was without a job and technically without a place to live.

I've since found work, and sort of a place to live as well. Everything's running smoothly now, and I'm hoping I'll be able to stay up here permanently. I love Airlie so much.

I wish I could say more, but I'm out of time. I'll update sometime next week with some good news hopefully.

Lots of love out to my peeps, my homies and everyone else I need to give a shout out to. Peace!

Toowoomba, Toowoomba

2007-05-17T15:44:00.000+10:00

Trust the Aussies to name something Toowoomba (Bullfrog? What a stupid name. I would have called them chazzlewuzzers).

So yeah, I'm staying in Toowomba right now with a friend I met on Heron Island. It's a nice little town sort of situated on the top of a mountain range (mountains.... ha! It's only, like, 700m above sea level) and it actually snows here on rare occasions. I haven't seen any yet, but it's still technically autumn right now. I should just walk around with a parka and snowshoes one of these days to freak these outbacks out.

Fact! Toowoomba is the birthplace of noted thespian Geoffery Rush.

Other than me hanging out and doing nothing, I have no other news. I'm seriously looking for work right now, as I'm hitting E on my bank account's fuel guage. Not to worry though. In the next few weeks I'm going to be heading to Airlie Beach, further up the coast near the Whitsundays to meet up with my friend Shawna again, and there's a lot more work up there, so I'm just sort of coasting right now. Get it? Coasting? Up the coast? Man, I should be on stage somewhere.

Toowomba isn't very 'tourist friendly' in that their internet cafes cost a ton, and the library won't let people without library cards use their terminals, and they charge non-residents $60 just to get a card. Also, there are no hostels in town. I'm currently living above a pub in a little room that, thankfully, has its own sink (Yippee).

And one final note. For those of you who have never done this, it may seem a little worrisome, but I'm planning on hitchhiking up the coast to save me some cash. Luckily, Australia is actually more tolerant and less scary than Canada in that regard, as I know some people who have done it without any problems. It's something new, so we'll see how it goes.

Take care everyone, and I'll be sure to let you know if I get brutally murdered while thumbing it. (And no, I *still* haven't seen Wolf Creek, so stop asking me) :)

Byron Bay Birthday Bash

2007-05-07T21:02:00.000+10:00

Mmmmm.... alliteration....

So this past weekend was spent up in Byron Bay again. I can't get enough of this place, and we partied like crazy this past weekend.

Ash and I got here on Friday morning, and we pretty much spent it just hanging out and preparing for the weekend that lay ahead. Went out, and got really drunk at Cocomangas with a bunch of random people from the hostel. Oh, the hostel we're staying at, Aquarius, is amazing. Right on the beach, a pool table, swimming pool, in-hostel bar, and the rooms are really nice.

Anyhow, that was just Friday night. Saturday, on the other hand, was a night of epic (some would say biblical) proportions. As we were getting ready to go out, some friends from Sydney decided to take the train up and surprise us for the night, then head home the next. So that made it even worse! I'm not gonna lie to you, I don't recall most of the night, but I do have some pictures, so I'll let them speak for themselves (despite the fact that I will probably still have a little comment at the bottom explaining them). Here goes:

(20 minutes of fiddling later...)

Ok, this internet cafe sucks the balls. It's taking me forever just to get some pictures uploaded, so I'll work on it in the next few days, and get some up for everyone to see. Seriously, it's taken 15 minutes just to open a web page with a story about a woman giving birth to her own grandson. Bah!

So in conclusion: Byron = Awesome, Sydney = Yesterday's News, Global Gossip Internet Cafe = Teh Suck

The Ultraviolet Garden

2007-04-27T00:57:00.000+10:00

So I quit work and I'm heading up to Byron for my birthday. Should be good times, some friends went up there this week, and will meet Ash and I up there when we go. After that, I'm not coming back to Sydney. I'll probably head up to Brisbane and stay with my friend, Chris, from Heron. He's a top bloke, fair dinkum even. Then after that, the dreaded fruit picking.

I can't put it off any longer folks. I'm heading up to Noosa hopefully. 3 months. Good lord, am I not looking forward to that.

So to answer a few questions, my application for permanent residency is going to be put on hold for now. I need to apply from outside Australia, and while I want to go to New Zealand eventually anyways, I've decided that I should, and will, do the fruit picking. Could be a character building experience, I figure. And chicks dig blisters.

Also, while Sydney is a giant city, the vast majority of people I have met while here happen to be English, Irish or Canadian; hardly the right nationalities to ensure residency through marriage (Mom). So that isn't an option right now, though I'm going to be here until well into 2008 anyways, so who's to say that's not in the cards sooner or later? Bruce, the homeless guy down the street, that's who. And don't you forget it.

In other news, the Flames are not in the playoffs any longer (boo-urns), but luckily the Canucks are still in it, and Ottawa should probably beat the Devils (I hope). I was lucky enough to catch a game on TV the other night, Calgary v Detroit, and even though I wasn't a huge hockey fan before, not being able to watch it whenever I want has made me miss it down here, and really enjoy the games I get to see, especially if I'm able to see a great game with Canadian teams, or like the time I saw Sidney Crosby get his 6 points in a game with random strangers in a bar, who kept asking me hockey questions. Good times, good times.

Join me for my next exciting entry, where we discuss the pros and cons of giving dolphins the vote.

How'd That monkey Get Up That Tree?

2007-04-20T20:46:00.000+10:00

*Inside Joke Alert*

I dunno Ashley, how *did* that monkey get in that tree? Now, I'm no scientologist or nothing, but I think it may have something to do with the fact that... he's a monkey? Could be wrong here, not quite sure. I'll have to do some research...

Anyhow, I finally took a trip to the Taronga Zoo in Sydney (not Steve Irwin's yet. That one is somewhere around Brisbane). Nice place, it's built sort of on the side of a hill, so you get off the ferry, and head to the cable car to ride up to the top, and sort of meander your way down. All pretty cool, and we got some nice pictures. I even have one with me and a koala. And for the first time in a while, I'm not doing anything rude to the koala. Must have been an off day.

What else is going on? Oh, since my birthday is in a couple weeks, I've decided to head up to Byron again for the weekend with some friends. I'm considering staying there after the weekend is over though, and not coming back to Sydney, just because I think I need to get out of here once again. I've got a couple days to think about that anyways, so we'll see what I come up with. Luckily, I do all my best thinking while I do my best drinking.

Also, I am now in possession of a guitar. A nice acoustic guitar folks, that I need to learn to play. A friend of a friend found it on her travels, and gave it to me. How nice. Also! She gave me a box of KD. Not just Macaroni and Cheese made by Kraft, but real CANADIAN Kraft Dinner. It even has French! I'm going to cherish it like it was my own foot. But hopefully with less cheese.

I think that's it for now folks. Tune in for the next post which will finally answer the question that's on everyone's mind: Will there ever be a boy born who can swim faster than a shark? I think you'll be pleasantly surprised at the answer.

Which is no.

Oh Yes...

2007-04-11T01:02:00.000+10:00

AFL is in full swing. That's Aussie Football League of course. Funny thing about the Aussie sports, though. The team names aren't exactly... um... intimidating. Example: Sydney's team name is, I kid you not, the Sydney Swans. And there are the Rabbitohs, Magpies and the Cats. Not Tigercats or Killer Cats, just Cats. Like fluffy yarn-playing cats. Weak.

Of course, they have some of the teams with tough names, like the Demons, Dragons, and Lions, but I like to focus on the pink-sounding names. Though, I would have to say my favourite, purely for nostalgic reasons is the Bombers. Luckily they're in second place right now, so I've picked a good team to cheer on.

AFL looks like a fun game to play. You basically grab the ball, hit it to your teammates, run as fast as you can towards the other teams uprights, and kick it through. That's it. It's pretty rough, not like rugby, but rougher than soccer. I'll have to try it sometime I suppose.

Winter Is A-Comin!

2007-04-10T22:32:00.000+10:00

Evenin' everybody. Well, it's getting to be fall here in Sydney, and it really is noticeable. The days are generally still nice, but it gets down to about 15 degrees at night (which is actually chilly down here without any long sleeved shirts), and it's only supposed to get cooler. Damn this weather!

Sadly, I have nothing else to report. I work, sleep, and occasionally go out and get blind drunk. That's going to slow down considerably in the next little while though, as everyone I hang around with is leaving Sydney for other locales, be it in Australia or back to their home countries, wherever that may be. The next big thing is going to be my birthday I guess, and that's not for 3 more weeks.

Random sentence: I would kill someone for some real lemonade. Like, *ACTUAL* lemonade, and not Sprite.

I'm growing somewhat bored with Sydney right now. Granted, I don't really do much, and I've done all the touristy things, so I'm just saving up to go somewhere else and check out some new scenery. I reckon my birthday weekend will have me heading back to Byron Bay again, as I really loved it there, and it's close enough and cheap enough to get to without me breaking the bank just to travel for a weekend. It's also supposed to be herpes-free (according to the adverts anyways), so it's got that going for it.

Fact! I've become addicted to Facebook.

Thursday is my day off this week, so I'll be finding an immigration service to figure out what I need to do to get residency. Apparently I have to go through some sort of assessment to see what skills I have, and whether they can be used here in Australia. I'm really hoping they need someone to test out beds, or get rid of all the excess beer they have in this country. These jobs would be right up my alley, I reckon.

My computer went crazy last week, and (techno-babble alert!) none of my USB ports are working, so I can't upload any new pictures to it, or use my mice or anything like that, and it's driving me nuts. Damned crappy Chinese knock-off gamepads!

Um... that's it for now I suppose. My next post should be more stimulating, as it has to do with migratory patterns of the elusive Spider Wombat. Or was that the Wombat Spider? Either way, it's comedy gold!

My Mind is Like a Sieve with No Handle

2007-04-04T01:15:00.000+10:00

I keep forgetting to add in things that I think about during the day, so here's just a few little nuggets:

- Congratulations to my brother and sister-in-law who have decided to bring in the first nephew to the Lambert family. Little Owen Lambert was born March 27th at 7lbs 12oz. Congratulations again! Now I can officially cut off my nuts.

- Congratulations to Jenn, who is getting married to some American guy who no doubtedly used great cunning and guile to steal her heart and whisk her away to the bowels of hell. Or Atlanta. I always get those 2 mixed up. Anyhow, I wish nothing but the best for you Jenn. I'm so happy for you!

- Congratulations to Mandrea (for those of you not in the know, for efficiency's sake, it's easier to type 'Mandrea' than it is 'Matt and Andrea'. Yeah, we're weird) for getting a nice house, moving into it this week, and finally becoming homeowners. I'm telling you guys, a minivan or paneled stationwagon is right around the corner. Probably literally. Go outside and check. Also, now you can actually go to Vegas, bet it all on a gut-shot straight and say, "Man, how am I gonna explain losing the HOUSE?" That's living the dream.

- And finally, congratulations to... um... me for... uh... almost living to be 30 I suppose. 1 more month! (Ugh).

Why Would Anyone Want to Live in Winnipeg?

2007-04-04T00:42:00.000+10:00

I actually had a post titled this that I was gonna put up, but I felt that too many people would disown me and stop reading my blog if I actually ended up posting it, so I'm not going to until I clean it up a little. In the meantime, this will just be a "What's Kev been up to lately" kind of thing. Though this post may end up being so mundane, I'll still end up losing readers in droves. Oh well, you win some, you lose some.

Anyhow, as some of you may be able to tell from my last post, I'm working in an Italian restaurant in Sydney, just on Darling Harbour, about a 2 minute walk away from the Sydney Aquarium. It's working out nicely, as I work so much, and at such late hours that I spend little money, and I'm saving a ton. In fact, after tax and tips, I'm making almost as much money as I was making working in Calgary. The bonus is that they feed me for free, and if I close, I get to drink for free as well, so the only thing I'm paying for right now is my accomidation, which is cheap as (which, by the way, is my new favourite Aussie saying, " as" like "Sweet As" or "Cheap As". Cheap as what you may ask? I don't know, and it's never implied. Get over it).

Anyhow, another little bit of info for people who've never been here: Tipping is totally optional. It's not uncommon for people to get a bill for $250 and leave no tip, or if it's simply a few dollars short of a round number, they'll just leave that. It's not an indication of poor service, it's just not done around here. It's mostly because waiters get paid the same as everyone else, anywhere from $18-22/hour, so it's not needed to suppliment their income. Consequently, all of the tips we get are pooled together and distributed to everyone weekly based on the number of hours they worked, and it seems to work out to about another $4-5/hour, depending on the week, so it's alright. The downside of all this is that in order for a restaurant to pay for their staff, the prices are generally a lot higher for basic food, like a glass of Coke is $3.75 or a 300g steak (12oz I guess) is almost $30, and that's a standard price. Expensive, but you get used to it (much like escorts).

Moving right along, my plans have somewhat changed in the past few weeks. Originally I wanted to get residency so I could live here permanently, but I think I realized that Iw ould simply be trading one city for another, and think I would just fall into complacency again, and I don't want to do that. Instead, I'm going to apply for residency so that if I want to live and work in Australia again, I can without any hassles. What I'd like to do now is get residency, work for a year or 2, then continue traveling around. I'd go to New Zealand first and visit some of the peeps I met on Heron (lots of Aussies and Kiwis worked on the island, and they're all solid folk), then go up to Vietnam and/or Thailand to check it out. I've heard nothing but great things about both of these places, and they're cheap as anyways. You can live in Bangkok in a decent hostel for about $40AUS/week, and eat really well for about $3/day. Zounds!

Anyhow, after SE Asia, I have a friend in South Africa that I'd like to go visit (Hi Laura!) who said she would be visiting me in Australia if she wasn't about to give birth. After South Africa, I plan on flying up to Europe and travel around there for a while, since I'm already halfway there anyways. Then off to South America somewhere, likely Brazil or Argentina, before heading back to North America where I may stop off in some random American cities before flying back into Canada. Of course, all this will take a couple years I think, so I may not be back home until 2009. I'd still really like to make it back in time for the Olympics, and hopefully head to Vancouver to see some of the action.

Now, of course, none of this is carved in stone, and it all depends on whether I can actually get residency here, and if I have to qualify by working here for a long time, if I can save up the money, get visas for all the other countries I want to visit or what-have-you. Still, it's a plan, and I've come to realize that it's better to have a plan and have to change it, than to not have a plan at all.

Cheers!

13 Rules for Dining in an Italian Restaurant

2007-03-22T03:37:00.000+11:00

1 - If you're dining in an Italian restaurant, always assume the waiting staff is completely fluent in Italian. If you see a fellow who looks Asian working there, he was probably born in Milan, and just moved here last week. Always speak to them in Italian. It makes you look cool, and really impresses the staff.

2 - If you don't speak Italian, please try your best attempt at ordering your food in an Italian accent, and say the Italian name of the food. Who cares if you're ordering simply Fish and Chips? You want to say "Frittura di Pesce con Patatine" in your best Italian voice so everyone knows you're the super-est person sitting at that table. The wait staff may even give you free food if you do!

3 - Always make a show of 'testing' the wine before drinking it. Swirl it around in the glass, sniff it, and say something like, "Oh, I hear the 2003 crop was excellent in Western Australia". Not only will the staff be happy to serve it to you, it's very likely that they, and the other people at your table, will offer you sexual favours for showing them how worldly and sophisticated you are.

4 - If you're with a large group of people, say 12 or more, always order your drinks, then as soon as the waiter has gone to place your order, move around to talk to different people at the table, or better yet, just move seats permanently so you can chat with your work buddy before they get back. It keeps the wait staff on their toes, and they LOVE testing their facial recognition skills out as often as they can. Bonus point: If they do find you right away, simply move to the next seat when you order your next drink.

5 - Likewise, if you're in a big group, when the wait staff comes with your food or drink order, and they're looking around shouting out what the food is obviously looking for who ordered it, completely ignore them, even if they're actually standing right above you. This is especially true if it's not actually the waiter that took your order, but the runner who's job it is to run food out to people. Wait staff actually have a telepathic link to everyone else in the place, so they shouldn't need your help anyways.

6 - When the person bringing you your food has 3 plates balanced precariously on one arm and one more plate in their other hand, it's considered an affront to them personally if you take the single plate out of their hand to help them. Good wait staff should be able to balance 9 plates of super hot food on their arm without any assistance from you, and you shouldn't have to do anything to enjoy your food. In fact, if you ask nicely, most wait staff will actually chew your food for you!

7 - If your waiter is at a table across the room, and you need another water RIGHT AWAY, it's OK to yell across to him/her that you'd like another water. It's also acceptable to snap your fingers, or throw uneaten buns at them to get their attention. Waiters don't have anything better to do than to serve you and you alone.

8 - If the restaurant is obviously closing, please feel no rush to leave the premises and take your conversation about the weather, or whales, or your last trip to Sweden elsewhere. Waiters don't do anything after work, and most of them live in the back 24 hours a day. They frequently stack tables and chairs for no apparent reason anyways. It helps them to build upper-body strength and learn much needed hand-eye coordination (See rule 6).

9 - If your food comes out undercooked, or maybe not tasting the way you were expecting it to, it is SOLELY the waiter's fault and he should be reprimanded, preferably in front of everyone in the restaurant. The chefs likely pleaded with the waiter to make it the way you wanted it to, but he/she would have none of it, and probably threatened the chef's family if they didn't do as he asked. They also like to have their mistakes pointed out, to better serve you next time you come in, and will, in all likelyhood, swear fealty to you for the remainder of their mortal lives.

10 - Wait staff are fountains of knowledge about the food at other restaurants around them. If you're looking for the best seafood place around the area, just ask anyone who works at a restaurant that doesn't serve any seafood. While you'd think that they would prefer to eat at their own restaurant, a place that usually gives them either a huge discount, or even a free meal with their shift, most wait staff actually like to go out and spend their money at the other overpriced restaurants in the area so they can tell people who come to their eatery where the best OTHER place is to get food.

11 - In the same vein, all wait staff are given detailed maps of the area within a 5 block radius of their restaurant, so they can tell people where the nearest *Insert Bank Name Here* ATM is, where they can hire a boat, or where the nearest latin-themed gay dance club is. Most people who work at restaurants are actually part-time tour guides, and love nothing more than to tell people where to go.

12 - If you have severe allergies to basic foods, like garlic or shellfish or grains, don't even bother telling anyone who works at the restaurant. Most Italian food has none of that in it anyways, and if it does, then they obviously hate you and want you dead. It's always best to mention this as you're shovelling your 3rd garlic prawn into your mouth, then demand that you won't pay for your meal. This is why restaurants pay insurance anyhow, so feel free to milk the system.

13 - Wait staff like nothing more than to recommend food to someone they don't know. Most of them will be fairly forthright in saying that the Chicken Parmigiana tastes like recycled monkey feces, and you're better off eating at Maccers. This is doubly true if, after each suggestion, you say something like, "Yeah, but I don't like chicken" or, "But I'm a vegetarian". It's required, by law, for waiters to actually be able to read the minds of the people they serve, and be able to tailor a meal to their individual tastes. If they are unable to, report them to the authorities, who will likely offer sexual favours for turning in such contemptable scum.

Kenya Feel the Excitment???

2007-03-16T02:15:00.000+11:00

So some news that, I'm sure, very few people in Canada actually know, Canada is in the World Cup of Cricket! Whee!

*ahem*

Yes, well, they are. Actually, they've been in it once before in 1995 where they actually made it to the semifinals, and they played against Kenya yesterday. Sadly, they lost by 7 wickets. I'm not going to take this time to explain to people the rules of cricket, but very basically, a team has 10 wickets ("outs" basically) and the opposing team gets 50 "overs" (an over is when the hurler throws the ball 6 times) and they have to get as many runs as they can in 50 overs without getting their wickets knocked off. Then they switch, and the other team gets a try. It's actually a pretty interesting spectator sport, as the games last different lengths, some literally lasting for 5 days. Of course, the only thing to do during these games is to drink huge quantities of Aussie beer. I would liken it to being a much better sport to watch then baseball, but not quite as interesting as Canadian football, which I compare to having sex. 5 minutes of planning for 10 seconds of furious action after which I usually end up at the bottom of a pile of people.

*cough*

Anyhow, it was a close game, so hopefully Canada can come back and win a couple and not get knocked out in the first round. They play England on Sunday, and sadly, England and Australia are pretty much the ones that people are betting on (West Indies and South Africa are the other 2 possible winners), so we'll have to see how they fare. Go Canada!

Come on people, you should be proud of your country doing so well in a sport that very few people born in Canada even know how to play!

Finally! Random Pictures!

2007-03-11T02:35:00.000+11:00

OK, I'm not even going to bother writing a big long intro, in case things go horribly awry. Here goes...

Alright, the first picture of many... this is a shot of the beach on the island. Just around the corner on the right is the jetty, the site of many a night-time dive (almost always drunken, and usually near a random reef shark). This would have been at around low tide. At high tide, the brown rocks on the left would be covered with water. Also, ignore the time in the lower corner, it wasn't actually 6am when this picture was taken. My camera had some problems with is before it gave up the ghost.

Not a reef shark, I'm not exactly sure what this is. Shawna and I were walking along the beach in ankle deep water when this curious fellow happened by. He asked us for some change, but we had none. He then swallowed a whole turtle, and grinned impishly. The whole scene was very surreal.

Turtle! This one was probably not eaten right away, as there were no seagulls or sharks in the immediate vicinity. However, there's a pretty good chance he was eaten. Circle of life and all that. Stop crying.

So Australia Day was January 26th, and to celebrate, they had a cricket match between Aussies and the Rest of the World (basically Aussies vs Kiwis, with 1 Canadian - Shawna. I was working this day). Anyhow, Shawna apparently did O, but kept dropping the bat, owing to years of baseball and the busting of kneecaps. So this picture was taken after she hit the ball, and the dude with the perplexed look on his face was going to catch the ball, essentially making Shawna 'out', but she knocked the ball out of the air at the last second with her hand. He was less than impressed. Keep in mind that this game was interrupted by not one, but 2 streakers, so it wasn't exactly the Ashes tournament. Look it up, you cricket-hating bastards.

Oh, wouldn't you like to hear the story behind this one....

Just a pic of downtown Nimbin, the bustling metropolis that it is. It's really laid-back, and VERY political, which may sound like a bit of an oxymoron, but they're more interested in politics than any other group of people I've ever met.

After visiting Nimbin, we ended up in a rainforest that this ONE botanist planted 20 years ago. Before he was there, it was all scrubland and vast meadow, now it's 300 hectares of protected parkland, full of wildlife and trees of all sorts. This dude lived here, miles away from civilization near a lagoon, and just did his daily thing. I guess that involved a lot of talking to himself, and laughing maniacally. Seriously, this guy was interesting, but a little out of sorts. Anyways, we hung out and ate macadamia nuts from the shell (contrary to popular belief, macadamia nuts are not native to Hawaii, they were brought from Australia years ago. In fact, most of the macadamia stuff you can buy in Hawaii is actually imported from Australia. Isn't learning fun?) and listened to his ramblings about how many species of what-have-you lived in his little corner of the Earth. I don't remember a word of it though.

This will be my final picture of this post. To those of you who think that Australia is all outback desert and coastal beaches, this should dispel such thoughts like demons from a recently exorcised child. Anyways, I snapped this while I was travelling by train from Byron Bay to Sydney last week. Beautiful rolling hills, and lots of trees, cows and dirt.

I'd like to take this opportunity to mention that taking the train anywhere is quite possibly the nicest way to travel. It's cheap (cheaper than taking a bus in Oz, as a matter of fact), roomier, and you get to wander around, and head to the mess car if you get hungry. I will be taking the train as often as I can now. Very much a more personal experience running through the countryside.

So that's the next big lump of pictures. Tune in next week when we look into why Aussies call ketchup 'Tomato Sauce' and call tomato sauce 'The Tool of the Devil'.

Cheers mate!

It Feels Like Home Again...

2007-03-10T13:19:00.000+11:00

Well folks, I'm back in business. After staying in Byron Bay for a couple weeks with nothing happening, I've headed back into Sydney, found a job, and cheap accomodation. I'll be doing this for a couple months I figure, then head off to parts undetermined.

It's funny, after spending a month and a half away from Sydney, and trying to find work out in the small towns, I've found that it's just not me. I like being a small fish in a big pond. I reckon it's mostly because I do a lot of bone-headed things, and it's nice to be anony-moose when I do.

Byron Bay is beautiful, and I can't wait to go back again to check out some of the sights again. You can kayak with dolphins, hang glide, go on winery tours, and all that other touristy stuff, which I never got a chance to, since I was trying to save money. Next time, Byron. Next time...

In the meantime, I'm working hard, saving money, hardly going out (it's true! I'm like a hermit crab! Er... without the changing shells when I grow bigger I suppose. So nothing like a hermit crab. I don't know why I said that), and relaxing in the big city. It's just nice to be able to go see a movie when I want to, or go grab some Thai food or pizza if I want, and I missed that.

Anyways guys, I do still have pictures that I'm going to post, but I'm just at a public terminal now with no access to them. I'll throw some on in the next couple days, I promise!

Cheers!

Frustration Sets In...

2007-03-01T15:14:00.000+11:00

Ok, I have just spent the past hour editing a blog entry, and having pictures uploaded (taking forever in this crappy internet cafe) only to have the entire entry mysteriously vanish into electrons and pixels. *sigh* OK, well, quick update: I'm alive, I have pictures, and I'm still in Byron Bay.

Next post forthcoming soon, possibly tomorrow.

Insert Witty Title Here

2007-02-26T20:20:00.000+11:00

Ok, so things in Byron Bay are chugging along. I have some things lined up and should find out what's gonna happen in the next couple days. In the meantime, I continue to laze around the hostel, and wander around town. Byron Bay, right now, is almost like being an a beach town in Canada, as there are literally hundreds of Canadians here. Must be the Oz Experience crowd heading north from Sydney to Cairns. Either way, there's a lot of hockey being talked a-boot.

I picked up a new digital camera today, a Nikon Coolpix S5. Higher resolution and it's a lot more slim, so it fits in my pocket without people asking me, "Hey, is that an HP digital camera in your pocket, or are you happy to see me?" Granted, it's funny replying that I don't own a digital camera, and they get all uncomfortable, start sweating profusely, and then beat a hasty retreat without saying another word. I should have some pictures up soon, once I can get my system to a wireless drop, and I can show everyone pics of the wee turtles (they were too quick for me!).

And one final note, I'm heading into Nimbin tomorrow. For those of you who don't know what Nimbin is (and I suspect that's a large number of you stay-at-home-Canadians), imagine Amsterdam if it were in San Fransisco in the 60's. Hippies all over the place, and... er... questionable cookies. Check out the Wiki on it here. Not exactly a family oriented place, but I suppose that depends on your family. Anyways, I'll get lots of pictures of the rain forest if I remember. I'm not making any promises. *ahem*

Stay classy San Diego.

Why Do I Like It Here So Much?

2007-02-25T14:55:00.000+11:00

Previously I posted about what I miss about Canada, and mentioned that there are more things I miss, I just didn't add them. Since then, I've had countless people (read: 4) ask me exactly what it is I like about Australia so much to want to move here permanently. Well folks, I'll give you a few things to chew on here:

The Weather - Yes, say what you want about surviving Canadian winters being "character-building" or "frostbitten-fingers-amputating" but at the end of the day, we all love the summer because it's warm, and we don't like being cold. Folks, the weather here in Australia has been nothing short of sensational. Granted, it *is* summer here in Aus, but even the winters are balmy. Sydney is apparently a lot like Vancouver, in that it doesn't get freezing cold, but it does dip below zero. Luckily, I won't be in Sydney for the winter months, and I'll be able to work on this pathetic Canadian tan (reada: pasty white flesh).

The Beaches - For thos of us who have spent a small amount of time near an ocean, looking out over the water is a pretty incredible experience. Granted, it's merely water with a high amount of salt, but the beaches along the east coats of Australia have been pretty nice to look at. I understand that they're even nicer on the west, near Perth, but I'll have to see those in the next year or so I suppose. But any beach that features topless women (like all the beaches around here do) puts it into the top 5 of my favourite beaches right away.

The People - Canadians are a friendly bunch, but I have not met more open people than I have here in Australia. I'll relate a story that actually happened before I even got into Oz:

I was in the Fiji airport reading a book after a really long flight from LAX (Worst. Airport. Evar.) and was just zoned and jetlagged pretty bad. About an hour before my flight to Sydney was about to board, a woman about 40-ish sat next to me, and asked me if I was going home to Sydney, or just to visit. Of course, as soon as I started tossing in my "eh's" and "aboot's" she knew I was Canadian. So she immediately told me to get out a pen and paper, and she told me 3 pages worth of places to visit, and things to see and so on. We had to board our plane, of course, but it turns out we were on the same plane, even though the flight numbers were different.

Anyhow, we saw each other in the Sydney airport again, and she asked me to smuggle in a bottle of Grand Marnier (she would have just been over her duty free limit, and I didn't have anything with me anyways). So I did, and met up with her outside the customs desks. She had a 5 hour layover in Sydney before she had to go to Port McQuarrie (just up the coast a little) so she offered to take me around downtime Sydney, just to get me familiar with it. She took me out for lunch as well, took some pictures, and gave me her address, email and phone number that if I ever wanted to crash on her couch as I'm passing through Port McQuarrie, to give her a call, and she'd set me up no problem.

Here's the funny thing: This was the first of many instances where people I've met have offered me a place to stay, food, or what have you after only knowing them for a couple of hours. I don't know any Canadians who would do that to a complete stranger from out of the country. Anyone? Anyone? Beuller?

The Intangibles - Some of tthe reasons why I want to stay, can't actually be put into coherent sentences. It's just that the atmosphere out here is so... laid-back? That's not the right word, really, but it's the best one I can come up with right now. People just kind of do whatever. The other thing is that it's a very backpacker friendly country, and people here are used to meeting people from all over the world. I can say that I had met very few Europeans back home, but my mobile is full of phone numbers and email addresses from people all over the world. It's cool just hanging with people from Germany or England listening to their perspectives on things.

Of course, these may seem like odd reasons, but I think this is one of those things where you really need to experience life on the other side to appreciate it fully.

Oh, and the partying. Good God, the partying... I'll save those stories for another time, but people, I'm just saying... It's insane.

Ciao!

Another Quick Update

2007-02-18T19:40:00.000+11:00

OK, so I'm heading to Byron Bay right now to hang out with Ashley and her Dad in a campground for a couple days, then I think I'm going to stay in Byron for a while. There should be lots of places for me to work, abd it looks like a fun place to stay anyways, lots of beaches and such. Brisbane, right now, looks like an interesting place as well, being a smaller city than Sydney (about 1.5m people, as opposed to 4.5m, you see). I may come back here for a while, I'm not quite sure what I'll do. We'll see how Byron treats me.

Oh yes, my camera is no longer functioning so, sadly, that means no new pictures, and very few pictures of Heron Island as of right now, until I get it fixed, or just buy a new one.

On a lighter note, I have yet to be diagnosed with Syphilis, so I've got that going for me...

Abd I promise my future posts won't be quite as serious toned, or downright depressing. Boobies! See? :)

Another Chapter Finished

2007-02-16T22:14:00.000+11:00

Well folks, due to some unfortunate circumstances, I am no longer on Heron Island. I'm currently sitting in a backpackers in Gladstone (run by a lovely couple out of their house, I should add) and I've got a couple of options. I could go meet our Winnipegger friend Ashley and her father down in Byron Bay, or I could go fruit picking in Queensland just to get a head start on it. I also found out that I cannot apply for permanent residence in Australia until I've stayed here for at least 6 months, so I'e got 1 1/2 months to go till that date arrives. In the meantime...

I had a great time on the island, and of course, didn't do everything I wanted to do. I went snorkeling a few times, but no SCUBA diving sadly. Nor did I get to ride the heli over, which would have been cool, but I'll just have to make sure I do it at some other point in my life.

I'm kind of in transition right now, so I don't know how often I'll be online (again with the lack of internet access!) but I'll be sure to keep everyone posted on my whereabouts.

Something that I read on the island that is sticking with me now: Success in life is not measured by the achievements one as reached, but by the obstacles one has overcome to reach those achievements.

I wish you all well.

Things Are Going Swimmingly

2007-01-28T18:44:00.000+11:00

Hi folks! We're here safe and sound on Heron Island. There are literally thousands of birds on this tiny plot of sand and coral, and they're chirping non-stop. It's faded into the background somewhat, but it's still weird.
I'm working a lot, but I've been jumping off the jetty as often as I can, mostly at night, which is pretty cool. I've seen countless Eagle Rays, a couple reef sharks, and dozens of baby turtles just hatching and racing madly for the ocean. How adorable!
I've just got back from the mainland again, as I had today and yesterday off, and I had to pick up a few things, so I'm starting my week again tomorrow, and I'll get Saturday/Sunday off again. Hopefully, I'll be able to write a better entry than this, but my time is limited on here, and I'll wrap up now.
Miss you all, and I'll talk to you soon!

This is the end....

2007-01-19T14:13:00.000+11:00

Well folks, this is it. Today is my last day in Sydney, and then I'm off. Because Heron Island is miles off the coast, I have no cell phone access and there's only one computer hooked up to the internet to share amongst everyone there. This effectively means I will be incommunicado for up to 3 months. I will be jumping back to the mainland every couple of weeks so I can get emails and text messages, but I will likely not be updating my blog very often. Certainly less often than I do now.

But in the meantime, just know that I'm probably sunning myself on a coral beach, watching whales swim by the pier, or snorkelling through the Great Barrier Reef. Jealous much?

I hope everyone takes good care of themselves, and I'll get in touch with you all in the next few months! Farewell! *MWAH*

Simpson's Quiz

2007-01-17T15:54:00.000+11:00

Here's the quiz, ya cheese-eatin' surrender monkeys:

What is the name of the Simpson’s dog?
True or False: Mayor Quimby has a nephew?
How many eyes does Blinky the Fish have?
What instrument does Lisa play?
Who is the founder of Springfield?
What is Springfield’s rival city?
Who was Lisa’s first boyfriend?
What year did the Simpson’s first Air on Fox?
In what sector does Homer work in the power plant?
Of Rock, Paper or Scissors, which does Bart always choose?
What is the first name of Principal Skinner’s mother?
What dollar amount is listed on the cash register when Maggie is swiped through in the opening credits?
What is Lenny’s last name?
What is Carl’s last name?
Who were the musical guests on Krusty’s Komeback special?
What is the Simpson’s home address?
What is the name of the drink that Homer invents?
Who shot Mr Burns?
What country did Bart cause America’s embassy to flee?
When alcohol is prohibited in Springfield, how does Homer get booze to Moe’s Tavern?
What is Homer’s job at the Springfield Power Plant?
What does Krusty the Klown’s father do?
What is the name of the actor who plays McBain?
When the Simpson’s moved to Cypress Creek, who was Homer’s boss?
What was the name of Moe’s family restaurant?
Who played Fallout Boy in the Radioactive Man movie?
How old is Marge: 34, 36, or 38?
When Itchy and Scratchy were taken off of the Krusty the Klown show, they were replaced by what Eastern European cartoon?
Name the aliens that occasionally show up in episodes of the Simpsons.
What was on the first Valentine’s card that Lisa gave to Ralph?
What was Krusty Burger renamed to after the IRS took it over?
What is the name of Homer’s half-brother?
What is the name of the small man who dances for nickels at the docks?
Homer did the voice for which cartoon character: The Klu Klux Klam, Danger Dog, Poochie, or Disgruntled Goat?
Who are Marge’s sisters?
What country is Moe the Bartender from?
Name the drinking establishment that tries to buy out Moe’s bar when he introduces the Flaming Moes.
What are the ages of Bart and Lisa?
Which of the Beatles have appeared in episodes of the Simpsons?
Who are the 2 guest stars who have appeared on the show, but had their names changed in the credits?

Bonus 1: Simpsons theme song writer, Danny Elfman, was in what New Wave band in the 80s?

Bonus 2: Of the 4 major Simpsons, Marge, Lisa, Homer and Bart, who is the only one not to have a speaking part in every single episode?

Tiebreaker: How many episodes of the Simpsons have aired, as of the end of last season?

Tiebreaker: How many times has Kelsey Grammar, the voice of Sideshow Bob, been a guest star on the Simpsons?

Stay the Course, Kevy, You're Doing Super!

2007-01-12T10:17:00.000+11:00

Well folks, not much has happened in the past week worth writing about, I'm not gonna lie to you. We're anxiously awaiting our departure date, which is Saturday the 20th. Shawna and I fly out of Sydney, land in Brisbane, twiddle our thumbs for a couple hours (that's some nice thumb-twiddling, boy), and fly to Gladstone (an economic powerhouse of 35,000 people). That's gonna be some fun times.
Anyhow, we stay there for a night, then catamaran over to Heron Island Sunday morning to start our 3 month stint on a tropical paradise.
In other news, in honour of it being National Simpsons Appreciation Week in Canada, our quiz night was all Simpsons questions. 42 questions of nothing but Maggie, Bart, Lisa, Marge, and that other one. It was a rousing success, although it was all Europeans and North Americans that took it. The Asians in the crowd were somewhat perplexed. I suppose I could toss the quiz up here for my faithful readers to answer at their leasure. In fact, I will do that, but I'm at the wrong computer, so I'll have to do that later. I'm such a quiz-tease!
Um... what else can I say? Oh, I found a bottle shop that sells Canadian beer! I can buy Moosehead, Kokanee, or Labatt's Blue. a 6-pack is $20, which isn't even that much more than a 6 of Australian beer. It's really out of the way, but it's nice to have a taste of Canada every once in a while. Now if I could find a place that sells Crown Royal.....

Random Pics and Updates!

2007-01-07T10:08:00.000+11:00

Hey folks! Well, this week has been super busy, I've been working every day at the restaurant, and then at night at the hostel. I've barely had time for any relaxing. Still, it's nice to have something to do and keep me out of trouble. I have some very interesting news, but we'll et to that in a second. First of all, I have some more pictures you can gaze at longingly:

This is me pole dancing. They say a picture's worth a thousand words, but I can only think of 2 words to describe this: Dead sexy!

Here's just a random picture of the people I took out on the pub crawl last weekend. There were actually about 10 more people but they're still in the first bar. Perhaps they were being held hostage, or trapped in tar pits, I'm not really sure. My memory at this point was already starting to get fuzzy.

Probably owing to Canada's climate and considerable cleanliness, I had never actually seen a live cockroach, except at the Assiniboine Zoo (in an aquarium with hundreds of Madagascar Hissing Cockroaches). Well, I can safely say that I have seen my share living in Sydney. They're all over the place, and there's not much you can do about them. This cute little guy was found dead outside the lifts in my hostel. The police suspect it's foul play, and interviewed everyone on the floor regarding their whereabouts the night before. Turns out it was a drug deal gone bad. The coin is a Aussie 5-cent piece (about the same size as a Canadian dime) just to give you some perspective.

That's all the random pics I have, but what about my news? Well!

As I have written previously, I am going to be travelling around the country with my friend, Shawna. We've been looking into getting a car and going fruit picking and such and haven't been able to find anything worthwhile yet. However, she has found us jobs here.

We're leaving Sydney on the 20th, flying to Gladstone, and taking a catamaran over to the island. We'll be there for 3 months, and then we head back onto the mainland to continue our travels. Still, working on a resort island on the Great Barrier Reef = Score!

Happy New Year!

2007-01-02T01:34:00.000+11:00

Happy New Year everybody! I hope everyone had a fun-filled New Year's Eve, as I know I did (from what little I remember). I've been able to connect up to the network here in the hostel through devious hacking and much pleading and whining, which also means I can upload some of the pictures I've been meaning to show people. But first, I'll get to the New Year's Eve party...

New Year's Eve is a pretty big thing here in Sydney, seeing as it's one of the first major cities to see the new year, so they like to do it in style. Basically, we were told they would be lighting fireworks off the Harbour Bridge and to see it, you can find a park around the harbour (of which there are many) and just hang out. But, of course, everyone else has the same idea, so we wanted to get there early. We started the day off at 2pm, and it all went downhill from there...

As we were taking the ferry from Circular Quay to the park we had chosen (at Cremorne Point, about 2km away from the bridge) 3 WWI bi-planes flew overhead. I thought it was pretty cool, though I'm not sure why they chose to fly those instead of something a little more 2007. Oh well, they didn't call me to plan this celebration, so I can't be complaining too loudly.

I also decided to take a picture of the Harbour Bridge before it was lit up and I got too drunk to know what was going on. If you click to zoom in on the picture, you'll notice that there's an outline of a coat hanger on the side. We were all baffled as to what this meant, so I asked one of the guys I work with at the restaurant, who is an Aussie and has lived in Sydney for 22 years, and he told me it's because the Harbour Bridge was initially designed using a coat hanger. "That's one enormous coat hanger," I exclaimed. It was then that he pointed out that it was just a model, and that I should lay off the glue. I agreed.

This is the view we had of the bridge from our spot at the park. There were approximately 4 billion people in this park, but we were able to bribe and execute enough people to get this spot.

Shawna was smart enough to pack this flag, which we hung on the tree just above our heads. This proved to be a wicked smart move, as people would walk by, and just say, "Hey, you're from Canada!" or just randomly shout "CANADA!" to which we would all go "WOOOO!". Keep in mind that this went on all night, and we were about 10 meters from peoples houses, so we really kept the property values way down if anyone happened to be doing any house shopping on New Year's Eve. But really, you don't want those people moving into the neighbourhood anyways, bunch a party-poopers!

OK, so it started off with just 3 of us at this event, Me, Shawna and Ashley (who is actually from Winnipeg! NOBODY from Winnipeg goes anywhere! Hi Ashley!). Ashley's the one with the dark hair, glasses and holding her hand up like she's waving for Journey to finish playing their set. The rest of these people just decided to join us because we had the Canada flag hanging, and they're all Canadian, from various cities. We seriously had about 2 dozen people just stop and chat with us because we were Canucks. Some joined us, some ran away in fear. It was good times.

I wasn't trying to be artistic or anything, I just wanted to take a picture of the city skyline at night, but my camera isn't so great at that. If I move my arm at all, it makes all the lights wavy like this. And at 12:30am after drinking all day long, my arm was moving quite a bit. In fact, my whole body was wobbling like a monkey after ingesting black tar heroin. But it's still a nice picture so I thought I'd include it here.

I also have some videos I took of the fireworks going off, which I will link up here once I get a permanent site to host them. That, and my skydiving video.

And finally, I would like to wish my Mom (who is blogless so no link is available) a Happy Birthday on January 3, who is turning the ripe old age of . I would also like to wish Angie (who also doesn't have a blog to which I can link. Get with the times, girl!) a very Happy 30th birthday. Time marches on folks. I hope everyone is well, and I'll be posting some more pictures and such in the next few days.

Oh yes, I almost forgot...

2006 : An Introspective

2006-12-24T02:14:00.000+11:00

So it's Christmas Eve here in the land of Oz, and of course, being the year end, it's time for a reflection of the past 12 months and think about things that have happened, or not happened, or what have you, and look forward to a new and prosperous year.

2006, for me, started pretty tame, with me working and doing the same old same old. I don't even remember what January was like, to be honest. Was it cold? Did we have many chinooks? Who knows? The point is it was cold, and I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time.

Winter passed, and the snow thawed, revealing a fine Canadian springtime, the likes of which I've seen many times before. Turning 29, I think, was a pivotal point in my life. I think I understood that I was no longer just some guy going through life, but that I needed to forge my own identity, and my own "existence". Coming of age can be somewhat of a eye-opener, I suppose. I'm sure some of you can relate.

Summer came and I met a lot of great people, through work and various other resources. Some of you may be reading this now, while others have been lost through time and mismanaged correspondence. I look back on this time with a melancholy spirit, happy to have met everyone, and sad that I may not see or speak to those people again in my life. People come and go in every life, but the lasting friendships I have made over the past few years is something for which I'm eternally grateful. To those of you I may not have said aloud, truly, my relationship with you has made me the person I am today, and I thank you for that from the bottom of my heart.

With autumn, came the decision to do something about my pensive nature, and uproot and live in a different land far away, albeit one with a similar culture and, most importantly, language. I couldn't imagine attempting to live in a place such as Bangkok, or Tokyo (though I do plan on going there at some point, since I've heard nothing but good things). However, being away for as long as I have (a mere 3 months that has felt like an eternity), things change, and a person's outlook is altered, likely irrevocably. And I've been looking back on the person I was, and the person I have become. Of course, I think we all have things we wish to change about ourselves, but this journey has made it clear what needs to change and how.

Why the heavy topic today, you may ask? I'm not sure, perhaps I miss home simply because it's Christmas, perhaps it's a feeling of loneliness in a hostel full of people, or perhaps it's something more that I haven't figured out yet. Despite the downbeat tone of this post, I truly am enjoying myself here.

Anyhow, this post has become too morose even for me. But I would like to wish everyone a Happy Christmas, and a fantastic New Year,

Also, I would like to wish my friends Matt and Andrea some great 30th birthdays (I'm only 6 months behind you guys!) and I hope they have a great New Year. I'll talk to you guys soon!

Whatever Shall I Do?

2006-12-18T17:28:00.000+11:00

Now that I've been in Sydney for almost 3 months, I'm starting to get used to living here. Which is good on the one hand, in that I'm finding myself to feel more at home. It's bad, however, in that I view Sydney as not really 'Australia'. You can pretty much take this city, plunk it down in the middle of any other country, and it's pretty much the same in a lot of respects. Basically, I'm not really travelling in Australia, just in another big city. People who have come here can probably agree that this is not all there is to see in this giant country. So I can't wait to leave on one hand, and yet I don't want to leave the comfort and the friends that I've made here on the other. Quite the conundrum, I know.

Februaury 1 is the date we have set to leave. I say 'we' because I'm travelling with my friend Shawna, with whom I'm buying a car, and leaving for parts unknown to do some fruit picking, and basically living off the land for roughtly 5 months. I'm a little concerned, not necessarily for my own well-being, as we're both resourceful people, but more for those unexpected things, like funnel web spiders and wombat swarms.

(edit: I'd also like to add that Shawna's latest blog entry is all about me! Read it and find out just how wonderful I am! *cough*)

But enough about that. My main reason for posting today is this: What am I going to do if and when I head back to Canada? I've been thinking more and more about this lately, and I haven't been able to come up with anything that piques my interest. When I left, I was working in an office making a decent wage, Monday to Friday, doing pretty much the same things day in and day out. Basically, I was bored and wanted to do something different, but when I go back, I don't want to do that again. It was a good environment for the most part, but I was just not happy overall. I just needed a major change in my life, and my way of thinking. I can safely say that I'm not the same person I was when I left (yay!).

Of course, all this upheaval has changed my perception of what I want to do back in Canada. Ideally, I'd like to do something like what I'm doing right now (activities coordinator in the hostel), but I'm pretty sure Calgary has, at most, 5 hostels, and the atmosphere isn't quite the same. Calgary isn't a big traveller's destination, unlike Sydney. To give you an idea, there are 5 hostels on the same block where I'm currently living. Plus you can do things pretty much every day of the year here, like take walking tours of the city, walk along the beach, go to Luna Park (the amusement part across the Harbour Bridge), etc. You could only do a few of those things during the summer in Calgary, and that's it. It really limits the options.

Working in a restaurant would be the first thing I'll do when I get back I would think, as when I left, there was a huge worker shortage in the service industry. But I don't like busting my ass for $8/hour, and *hoping* I get tipped well enough to live. That leaves monkey farming, and Swedish Masseuse as my only other options. And I don't know much Swedish.

Luckily, I have at least 9 months to ponder this situation, and likely another year on top of that, so I really shouldn't be worrying about this now. But it's something that I just have bouncing around my brain anyways.

(Note to self: Learn Swedish)

Really Quick Update

2006-12-12T22:21:00.000+11:00

I've finally figured out how to add links to this blog. As you can see, I don't have a lot of friends who blog, but I've added my friends Andrea (blogging about being pregnant and raising her son) , Jenn blogging about becoming an American and various other observations about her life), and Shawna (another Canadian in Sydney), the only other blogs I read on a daily basis. And Fark.com, if you're interested in news, entertainment, and general goofiness.

That is all.

What I Miss About Canada...

2006-12-10T01:34:00.000+11:00

I thought I'd just post a quick note about some of the things I miss about Canada, since my last few posts have been touting how great of a time I am having here.

Tim Horton's - Or more specifically, Iced Cappucinos, chili, and chicken soup. They have donuts here, of couse (they have the technology!) but they're just not the same. I've had some Iced Caps, but they're more like coffee with ice, not a cappucino slurpee. I would literally kill someone for one of these right now.

Wendy's - Funny how most of the things I miss are simply food related. While I do miss Wendy's burgers, I am enjoying some of the fast food places around here. Oporto's is a chicken place that has the best chicken fingers. They're simply marinated chicken strips, no breading or anything, but man, are they awesome. Still, I think my first day back in Canada will entail me going to Tim's/Wendys and ordering an Iced Cap with a Big Bacon Classic. Mmmmm...

Kraft Dinner - I was never a big KD eater, to be honest. I just found it kind of boring. But the White Cheddar variety was really good, and you *can* buy macaroni and cheese, but a box is literally like $3. What do kids in Uni eat? I don't get it!

Clamato Juice - I like Clamato normally, but I really wish I could have a caeser. The best thing for a hangover, I swear. Oh! And they don't call ketchup "ketchup". It's tomato sauce. Weird...

Normal Flavoured chips - They have flavoured chips (crisps, I should say) but they're all weird flavours, like Honey Baked Ham, and Chicken (which is actually almost exactly like SOur Cream & Onion).

Buttered Movie Popcorn - I went and saw Casino Royale tonight, which was a great movie by the way, but the popcorn you get in the theatres is just like the oversalted crap we'd get in arenas in Canada. You don't even have the option to get butter on your popcorn. When I asked for extra butter, the girl just said, "Uh... ok." and handed me the box like I was an escaped mental patient again. People, that part of my life is over! Why can't a man live beyond his past! WHY?!

Snow - Which is not really surprising, I suppose. I miss having snow on the ground now. It's December, and it's damned hot outside. I like picking up sticky snow and throwing it at random lightposts, dumpsters, and the elderly.

Poutine - Man, nothing says "cardiac arrest" like New York Fries poutine.

Intelligently Designed Cities - Seriously, Calgary and Winnipeg are at least laid out in grids, so it's not so hard to find your way around. I've been to and from Bondi Beach at least 25 times now, and I *still* have no idea how to get there if I had a car. There's roads all over the place, roundabouts left and right, and they're just tough to navigate to my feeble North American mind.

*sigh* Friends and Family? - I guess I should add that in anyways. Even if it weren't true, I'd still feel obligated :) Miss you all!

I did WHAT?

2006-12-08T17:32:00.000+11:00

OK, so as part of my job in the hostel, I have to take people out and have fun. Of course, the easiest way to do this is to lead by example. Not necessarily getting drunk all the time, I'm not really doing that, but I do try and get up and dance and do stupid things to show people a good time. Of course, embarrassing myself is pretty much my middle name. Kevin Embarrassingmyself Lambert. I think it's Swedish.

Anyhow, Wednesday nights are Quiz nights here in the hostel. I give out free beer and wine ("Goon" actually. Boxed wine which, I swear, has traces of 'fish, eggs, and nut products'.) and ask a bunch of trivia questions, to which people challenge some of the answers. People can be downright stubborn when first prize is a $50 bar tab. Trivia night is, for me, the most entertaining evening, since it requires, at most, an hour of research on the internet to come up with 40 questions, and 2 tie-breakers and people seem to have a good time. After Quiz Night, we go to one of the local bars, in this case it was Scubar.

Scubar is a pretty small bar, about the size of a 3 car garage, with a little dance floor, and a Scuba theme (go figure). They've been trying to bring in more people lately, so this week they started their Pole Dancing Competitions on Wednesday. They have a professional Pole Dancer (should it be capitalized? I'm not sure that's an official title) come in and dance for a bit, then they have 4 girls and 4 guys go up and dance, and the crowd judges the winners.

Even though I know everyone can tell where this is going, I'm gonna tell you the story anyways. So the first girl gets up, and she does a good job. First person, being a little awkward, not surprising. Then the first guy gets up, and dances a bit, not too badly. But there's no other guys signed up, and this clown would have won the $50 bar tab all by himself! Unforgiveable! So who has to step up and give the guy a challenge? Yours truly. People, let me tell you, I rocked the stage, and the crowd loved every minute of it. Of course, once I went up, they had 2 other guys signed up right away, to challenge me, or just because they were really drunk. Either way, they danced. The 3rd guy went up. Let's just say that I felt dirty after watching his ride that pole. (Is it just me, or does this whole paragraph sound gayer than necessary?)

So the other girls got up, and one of the girls from my hostel (from Edmonton, Canada represent!) and danced a bit. Of course, being a little drunk, she took off her shirt (easy boys, she had a sports bra on!) and the crowd went nuts. Some guy even threw $10 on stage for her!

So, long story, marginally shorter, not only did she win the women's challenge, but I won the men's! So we had $100 bar tab at Scubar, and Footprints and Canada are now reigning champions at Scubar's pole dancing competition. Undefeated, no less!

Of course, I didn't bring my camera, but I did get some of the others around here to promise to send me pictures when they get a chance. So when I get them, you'll see them all, I promise.

Money Matters

2006-12-05T22:02:00.000+11:00

2 things I've noticed here in Aus that I've found really handy, and I don't know why Canada and the US don't do this, and I think they should.

First of all, the smallest coin here is 5 cents. There's no pennies. So when the final tally comes up, it's rounded off to the nearest 5. 97 cents goes down to 95, 98 cents goes up to 1 dollar. If you pay through your savings account, it doesn't get rounded, you just pay whatever the amount is, but if you pay by cash, it does get rounded. It's nice not having a bunch of pennies floating around, and it also means there's very few 99 cent prices, they're all 5.95 or whatever. But what about tax, you say?

Tax is built into the price of everything here, so when you look at a price tag of $19, you pay $19 at the till, you don't have to pay an extra amount of tax on top of that. So you always know how much things are going to cost through simple addition, not by figuring out how much 13% of $19 would be. That's a pain in the ass in my opinion.

So yeah, that's my post for today. I really need to get out more...

Same Old, Same Old...

2006-12-03T23:49:00.000+11:00

OK folks, so I've been doing this "work" thing for the past week, and it's not too bad. Basically, I work Monday, Wednesday, and Friday night doing the activities stuff for the hostel, and I tend bar and wait tables most of the other days. I haven't really had a day off in the past week and a half, but it's OK. It's keeping me out of trouble somewhat. But that's really about it. I've been very busy and I'm tired most of the time now. Not very exciting, but I gotta do something.

I was going to write a long entry about things I've noticed about living in Sydney, as opposed to living in, say, Winnipeg or Calgary, but as I was typing it, I realized it's somewhat boring, and I'm not interested in losing any more of my readers. So here's just a handful of things I've found:

- Contrary to popular belief, most Aussies don't say "G'Day Mate". In fact, I've only met one who does. Almost everyone simply says "How ya goin?" which isn't exactly like "How ya doin?" in the sense that if you answer "Good, and you?" they're somewhat bewildered. It's very fun!

- Almost everyone says "Cheers", which seems to be similar to the Hawaiian "aloha" in that it seems to mean a whole bunch of things, such as "Hello", "Enjoy your drink", and "Who are you and why are you hiding in my closet?".

- The English are referred to as "Poms" or "Pommes" (like Commies with a P). Nobody seems to know what this means, or if this should be an insult, but it's all over the place. It's in ads for Tooheys Cold (a beer) as "A Pom's Worst Nightmare". Imagine any other ethnic name in an ad in Canada: "To get rid of pesky Newfies, try our improved 'Newfie-Away'!"

- Cricket is surprisingly easy to understand. A Kiwi explained it to me in 10 minutes, and now I really enjoy it. It's the Ashes tournament right now, which means Australia and England are currently playing their tournaments over the next month or so. They're playing in Sydney from Jan 2-6 so I may see if I can get tickets somehow. Wish me luck!

- Australians have an unnatural love of Nickelback. I don't know why, and I seriously wish I could turn on the radio without hearing some crappy Nickelback song every 15 minutes. Damned Nickelback.

- Apparently the Canadian accent is very similar to the Irish accent, as I've been asked if I were Irish countless times. I have no idea why. Maybe I should stop saying 'Top o' the mornin'" and
"Where's my Lucky Charms?" as often as I do.

Anyhow, I just got back from working, and I'm exhausted. So I'll try and post something in the next couple days. I am still alive! Mostly...

Typical...

2006-11-25T15:54:00.000+11:00

So, where have I been in the past week? Are my hands cracked and torn from pulling up watermelons? Have my shoes been taken by roving bands of Aboriginies? Have I watched “Wolf Creek” yet? Oh, my friends, what a week this has been…

First of all, I’m not fruit picking yet. On Friday, when I got the call that I wasn’t getting the IT position, I had worked myself into a panicked flurry of confusion and teeth (Which is also the name of Darryl Bumchin’s debut album, in stores now! Just in time for Christmas!) so I called the fruit pickers, and set myself up a bed and work. The thing about fruit picking is that it’s hard work, but it pays decent, and you tend not to spend money, since there’s really nothing on which to spend it. So I was all ready to go out to Mildura, when a friend of mine suggested I pass around some C.V.’s (resumes to us North Americans) to various restaurants around the Bondi Beach area, and see what happens. So I did that on Saturday, and just hung out the rest of the time…

Sunday rolls around, and I got a phone call to work at a place called (I couldn’t possibly make this up) “The Hog’s Breath Saloon” out on the beach. It seems to be a lot like Montana’s with wooden booths and a whole lot of crazy crap on the walls. Mostly stuffed pigs, actually. It’s very bizarre. Anyhow, so I’m supposed to start work on Friday….

So Monday comes, and Stef, one of the staff members from Wake Up, comes into my room, and asks me if I want to work at a different hostel (Footprints, actually. You may remember it from a couple posts ago? No? People, there’s gonna be a test on all this when I get home, you should really be taking notes). I told him I already had a bartending job, but this job would be Activities Manager, which basically means I take people around to various bars, pub crawls, run quiz nights, that sort of thing. I’m like, yeah that sounds like a good time. But by the time I had come down and spoken to the manager, he had already filled the position. Curses, this would have been a great experience. No big deal though, as I already have a bartending job, but this would have kept me downtown and given me free lodging. Oh well. Back to working at Hog’s Breath.

In order to work in a restaurant in New South Wales, you have to be RSA (Respoinsible Service of Alcohol) certified. It basically just means that, because the restaurant, bar or what have you is responsible for the safety of its patrons, you have to know when to cut people off, send them home, and that sort of thing. Not very exciting, but it needed to be done, so I did that on Wednesday, and got certified. Fact: That was the most boring paragraph I have ever written.

Thursday, Stef catches me in the lobby and apologizes for the Activities Manager snafu, and says he has a consolation prize for me. “How would you like to work on a surf camp along the coast?” Um… doy? Yuh, I’ll do that! So I called the manager, and we had a meeting where he described the job, and what I would be doing. Basically, for free room, board, booze and surfing, I would be like a gopher, cleaning, cooking, packing surf gear that sort of thing. I wouldn’t make any money, but I wouldn’t really need to spend any anyways. Not a bad deal, but I would need to take a bus up to the camp myself, take the surf lessons, and the guys there would determine whether I could work there. So I’d have to spend my own money to *possibly* get a job along the coast. I would have to think about it, I said, and think I did…

As I was coming up from the meeting, Stef caught me AGAIN, and told me that Footprints had gotten rid of the person they hired for the Activities job, and wanted to speak to me right away. Gads! So many options. So I went to the manager of the other hostel, spoke to him, and found out that they were very interested in hiring me, as they had heard good things from Stef and some of the other staff at Wake Up, and thought I would be a good candidate. I’d get to stay here for free, work 3 nights a week, and have the rest of the time to myself. I wouldn’t get paid on top of the free accommodation, but I could get another job in the meantime. Another job? Don’t I still have the bartending job? I do!

So here’s where stand: I’m now the activities Manager for Footprints hostel, and also bartending at Hog’s Breath Saloon. Tonight is my first night doing a pub crawl out to a couple pubs and nightclubs in downtown Sydney, and then I start pouring drinks for surfers tomorrow night.

Fruit picking will still need to be done, however, but at least I can put that off for a few months, and not have to do it when it’s hotter than the boiling point of Satan’s urine (which I believe is a mere 48 degrees Celcius).

Placeholder!

2006-11-20T13:46:00.000+11:00

Post removed due to excessive wishy-washiness...

Sigh

2006-11-17T16:23:00.000+11:00

Well folks, I've hit a wall. The job I was supposed to get fell through, so now I'm in a bit of a pickle. Luckily, I have some options. Unluckily, they all involve me going to the middle of nowhere and picking god-knows-what kind of fruits/vegetables/insect-ridden weeds. So I'm heading to a small town called Mildura north of Melbourne on Monday night, and I'm gonna be there for a few weeks/months or however long I can tolerate it. On the plus side, I need to do this to extend my working visa anyways, so I have to do it at some point, I was just hoping to not have to do this until next year, as it's summer in Aus right now, and some days are getting up to 45 degrees in these parts. Oh well...

I would also like to add that I don' know what my phone/internet access is going to be like out there, so all 5 of you who read this may not get any sort of updates for a while. Rest assured, I'll likely still be alive and not eaten by funnel web spiders in my sleep. That's what I hope anyhow...

And one more thing, thank you to all who post comments to my inane posts. It makes me smile whenever I see someone respond to the junk I have to say. So thanks again, and I'll be making one more post before I leave Sydney on Monday. Right now I'm gonna go drown my sorrows in a schooner of Tooheys New...

Buenos Noche el Mexicano!

2006-11-12T21:21:00.000+11:00

I think that means something about nachos and Mexi-fries. I dunno, my Spanish is a little rusty...

Anyhow, this will just be a quick picture update with regards to last night's festivities, it being Mexican Night in the Sidebar. So being Mexican Night, people were dressed up in ponchos, sombreros, or Mexican wrestling masks (although really, there was only 1 guy in the wrestling mask, and everyone thought he was wearing a gimp mask. Don't know what a gimp mask is? Google it! You'll be pleasantly surprised!). Regardless, I had to have a big old Mexican moustache drawn on my otherwise beautiful face (and I was told I look like a dirty dirty Mexican), and got a sombrero from the bar staff. It was good times.

One of the many highlights of the evening for me was the Limbo contest. For those of you who may not know this, I'm a pretty flexible guy. And I lurves me some Limbo. So people all lined up for Limbo-ing, and it began...

After about 20 people were eliminated for hitting their knees, or their head on the bar, it was me and this dude from Taiwan.

As we went on and on, the announcer kept asking the crowd who they wanted to see win, Taiwan (*clap* *clap*) or Canada (uproarious cheering and applause) so of course, there was no pressure. Once the bar got to about 2 feet, it happened.... My legs gave out and my knees hit the ground. The Taiwanese limboed under and won the competition. I think he actually could have even gone lower! Turns out he's a professional breakdancer and he's super limber anyways. (Do you think they cal it 'Limbo' because you need to be 'Limber'? Google it! You'll be pleasantly surprised! Or mildly disappointed, I'm not sure).

Anyhow, while I did lose, a lot of people were impressed with the show, and even when I went down to get food today, I had people coming up to me and telling me how they were hoping I would win. Oh well... there's always next time.

By the way, here's a shot of my friend Shawna from back home, who was also out to Mexican Night. There's so many Canadians here right now!

I don't know how she scammed the sombrero though, as you need to drink 5 tequilas or 5 Coronas to get one. I think she may have killed someone for it, so if you're wearing a sombrero and this girl starts talking to you, call the Feds!

28 Days Later

2006-11-10T15:26:00.000+11:00

Well, really, it's about 31 days now I suppose. Regardless, I have been here for a full month without being deported. A record for me! (Screw you Sweden!)

Well, this week has been pretty busy actually. I went to the Pearl Jam concert on Wednesday night. Let me tell you, it was a very different experience than going to a concert in North America. For one thing, you're not allowed to drink or smoke in the arena itself. And while I don't smoke, I can now appreciate how much just being able to makes the crowd enjoy the show much more. Pearl Jam was great, but the crowd... well, let's just say they seemed less than enthusiastic about being at the show. Why would someone spend a minimum of $100 to go to a concert, and merely stand around to see the show. There was no moshing, no body surfing, no dancing really. After the 3rd song, Eddie Vedder (the lead singer for you Non-Pearl-Jammers) said almost word for word, "You guys feel free to move around. I don't know what security is like around here, but we're starting to feel like we're playing in a church or something" and it was true. It was the weirdest concert I've ever been to...

So after the concert, I came back to the hostel, and I had to move out yesterday. Not because of something I did (surprise surprise), but simply because they were full for a couple days, and I didn't re-book early enough. So now I'm at another one that's down the street, and the difference is striking. The one I'm at now, Footprints, is apparently the one that took 'Best Hostel in Australia' for 2002, 2003, and 2004. Well, it is not, my friends, a very good hostel. I'm in a room with 5 other people, and it is supercramped, and a little dirty. It's like living in a third world country. Not to mention that the other people in the room BARELY speak English. So I'm not really diggin' it, though at least I'm going back to the hostel I was at before tomorrow, the Wake Up! Hostel. Plus it's Mexican Night tomorrow at the Side Bar, so I gotta get me a sombrero and poncho. Or perhaps see if I can run across a border somewhere under cover of darkness.

Oh yes, and I seem to have found myself a job. It's an IT job in North Sydney, which will be good. Then I'll be hanging out with Aussies instead of just hanging out with people in the hostels. Don't get me wrong, I like them all of course, but it'll be a nice change to talk to people who live here, instead of other travellers. I should be starting next week, so I'll have to find a place to live close by, or it's going to be a 45 minute bus ride every day to and from. Which isn't a big deal, I suppose, but I'd still like to be able to walk to work, or just live in the area. Someplace different than downtown Sydney would be quieter I think. Or maybe I'll stay in the hostel the whole time. I don't know the length of the contract yet, so I'll have to make that decision when I find out. Regardless, things are moving along nicely!

Back in the Saddle Again...

2006-11-07T00:04:00.000+11:00

Not really. Actually I don't know why I chose that title. I need to get out more...

OK, so I'm back in Sydney now. Sadly, this blog will likely not be very interesting for the next little while (not that it's been riveting so far, I know). But now that I'm back in Sydney, I feel more at home. I dunno why, but Sydney just seems to be more my style. I'm like a mini-celebrity here! Well, not really, but I like to think so. It helps me sleep at night.

So I need to find a job and a place to live for the next little while. Hostel living is OK, but I'm on the top bunk now which sucks, and it's going to be inconvenient when I do find work. But anyway, enough of my drunken ramblings...

So what have I been doing the past few days? (Boy I love it when people ask questions to themselves, then answer, don't you? Yes, yes I do.) So really, I've been laying low the past little while. I went out with a friend, Shawna, last night to a few pubs in Bondi Beach. Shawna and I actually met in Calgary, and realized we were both going to be in Sydney at the same time, so we've tried to get together a couple times since we've been here. We ended up going to an Irish pub called the Tea Garden (that hardly sounds Irish in my opinion, but really, a place called 'Whiskey Drinking Micks' would probably not have the patronage this place does), then we went to another pub down the street called the Cock and Bull (which is marginally more Irish sounding, but infinitely more giggle-inducing) where they had an Oasis cover band playing. They were pretty good actually, considering I'm not an Oasis fan, but the best part of it was the groupie standing off to the side staring at the lead singer.

Keep in mind folks, that she's not a groupie for Oasis, she's a groupie for a band who plays Oasis music and doesn't really look anything like Oasis. Also, I'm trying to see how many times I can type Oasis in my blog, so anyone Googling 'Oasis' gets my page, and my readership goes up, and I reap the benefits! Of course, my readers would consist of mostly disgruntled Oasis fans, but you gotta take the good with the bad...

Now, where was I? Oh yes, after the Cock and Bull (tee hee!) we hopped the train to head back to the city to go to a couple other bars. Sadly, this Irish pub closed at midnight! O, how we lamented this early closing time, and from an Irish pub no less! {Random Dead Irish Celebrity} would be spinning in his/her grave! (Rob Roy? James Joyce? Liam Neeson? Any one of those will do.) So we ended up at yet another Irish pub called Scruffy Murphy's, which also had a band play which was luckily not an Oasis cover band, or worse, Oasis themselves. We danced and drank all night and I didn't get home till 5am this morning. So needless to say I'm a little sleepy today. I was supposed to go looking for work and/or an apartment, but I've been pretty lazy and have done naught but surf the net and clean up my resume. And of course, type this long stream-of-consciousness post to my blog.

I also had to include this picture of a couple of Irish guys I met in Melbourne. Steve, the raging lunatic, is screaming something, and I don't remember what. The other guy I don't actally know, but he is a lifetime member of the Irish Drinking Team apparently, and has some sort of brain deficiency, judging by the look on his face. Nonetheless, I laugh every time I see it. Now you too can laugh. Laugh, damn you! Well, whatever...

The Melbourne Identity

2006-10-31T01:50:00.000+11:00

So I'm in Melbourne right now, situated on the southern coast of Australia. Really nice city, and very European, meaning that there are a lot of interesting little cafes and shops located right in an alleyway. Serioualy, walk down an alley, and you'll find a 4' x 4' nook that sells fresh sushi. It's bizarre. Really cool, and unlike anything I've seen in Canada really. There seems to be a very cultural vibe to Melbourne, lots of art galleries and theatres and such.

However, I've found myself very bored here. I'm not exactly sure why, but the things to do around here just don't seem very interesting. I could take a run along Great Ocean Road and take pictures of rocks and such, but it's pricey just to head out and look at the ocean. or I could run down to Penguin Island (no joke, they actually have a place called Penguin Island, though it's a bit of a misnomer. They actually send all their discarded Ikea furniture there. The gift shop is predictably boring).

But luckily I'm heading back to Sydney 0n Thursday for a while. Looking around I've found it to have more jobs and more housing, although it is a little more expensive than Melbourne. Luckily, I have extra organs I don't need. I can sell a lung and live like a king. Well, an asthmatic king anyways.

And to the hundreds of you who emailed me asking about the trees and why they seem to be barkless, I've found out the reason, so please stop flooding my inbox with crazy theories (for the last time, it's not due to rampaging bands of bark eating monkeys). Turns out the bark actually contains the seeds for these trees, so they're constantly shedding it to "spread it around" as they say. Scandalous!

So in conclusion: Melbourne = Meh, Sydney = Yay, Trees = Whores.

I Canberra, Can You?

2006-10-25T10:13:00.000+10:00

So I'm not in Sydney anymore, I've moved on to Canberra for a couple days, staying with an old friend Chris Corkery, who I haven't seen in a few years. He's out here doing his PhD at the University here for a few years. I didn't even know he was out here until another friend mentioned it, so we did the email thing, and he offered his couch for a couple days. I figured, why not I'm out here anyways.

Canberra is about a 3 hour drive from Sydney, and I hopped a Greyhound to get here and they showed the DREADFUL 'Around the World in 80 Days' with Jackie Chan. Luckily, I has heavily sedated and slept almost the whole way here. Although I probably could have spotted some kangaroos or other wildlife along the roads.

One thing I noticed, and I'm not sure of the reason, but all the trees seem to be stripped of their bark along the highway. Could be animals eating it, could be wind blowing it off, I have no idea. I'll have to look into it.

At any rate, tomorrow I leave for Melbourne where I'll stay in another hostel for a week or 2, and look for work. I've been going through my money a little faster than I had anticipated, though I still have enough to live for the next few weeks without worrying too much. But I don't think it should be too hard to find work anyways. A friend of mine called a place on Sunday, had the interview on Monday and they offered her a job right there, paying $16/hour. Not a bad deal, plus she found a place in Bondi Beach to live and it's literally a 10 minute walk from the ocean. Lucky girl.

Anyhow, here's some more pictures:

That's me hurtling towards the earth at breakneck speed. That guy would just not get off my back, no matter how many times I told him. I'm like, "Dude, I hardly know you!" and he was all like, "It's for safety and if I'm not here you'll plummet to your death, blah blah." I think he was coming onto me...

That's me aftr all the drinks were consumed with the shirt I won for doing it. Why is Canada a snail, you may ask? I don't know, I didn't draw the design. But there's 5 signs around the bar that say 'Mix with the World' and various sea creatures with flags on them. Germany is a crab, US is some sort of angelfish, Italy is an eel, and Canada for some reason is a snail. Slow and steady wins the race I suppose.

This here is Faune, a girl from Ottawa who was staying in the same room I was for about a week. She's trying out the steamy librarian look, and I think she may have succeeded.

Passport.... to Drunkenness

2006-10-22T15:41:00.000+10:00

"And on this auspicious occasion, the day of our Lord, October Twenty-First Two Thousand and Six, a representative from Canada has met and broken a record held long by members from parts unknown. On this day, one Kevin Lambert did travel globally through the menu of the Side Bar in Sydney Australia, and drank one of each drink, a grand total of 21 elixirs, in a time of 1 hour and 53 minutes, shattering the previous record by a full 7 minutes. For this display of alcoholic prowess, a special T-Shirt was given, and his name shall go upon the Wall of Fame for all to see. Your country, nay, the world, is proud of this achievement."

So here's the deal. There's a bar in the basement of the hostel called the Sidebar, basically just a regular dance club type setting. They have what they call the Sidebar Passport, just a card listing all the various countries that have drinks named for the on the menu (ie. The Welsh Choirboy - Baileys, Kalhua and Milk; The Noisy Yank - Amaretto, Coke and Beer; Luck of the Irish - Red Bull and Jagermeister, that sort of thing. And no, Canada does not have a drink for them). If you get a card, when you buy one of the drinks on the menu, you get that country stamped, and once you drink all the drinks, this passport goes up on the wall with the rest of them. There's mostly people from the UK up there (just like there's mostly people from the UK staying in the hostel), one Canadian, a couple Finns, and that's about it. Well, I asked the event coordinator what I would get if I drank all 21 of the drinks in one night, he said not much but a wicked hangover the next day. Then I asked what the record was, and he said 2 hours and 19 minutes to drink them all. I said I could beat that.

Flash to last night. I had made the promise to beat this record last night, and it turns out someone beat it last week at 2 hours. I said I could still beat that. I've been training for the past 2 weeks. I told people in my room I would beat it, I told random strangers I would beat it. I couldn't go back on my promise. So I had to do it.

The timer started at 9pm, and so did the drinks. Let me tell you people, 21 drinks in less than 2 hours isn't an easy task to manage, especially considering some of the drinks (The Chinese Burn - Sambucca, Tequila and Tabasco. That's all in one glass). I kicked that menu's ass and came back for more.

Truly, I am a proud Canadian, and will be remembered in the annals of history for years to come, or until next weekend when some Scotsman no doubt destroys my record by half an hour.

Now I'm Freeeeee! Free Fallin'!

2006-10-19T17:18:00.000+10:00

Wow.

That's all I can say. I went skydiving today and jumped out of a plane at 14000 feet. It was quite possibly the most exciting thing I have ever done. I wasn't even all that nervous until we got to jump height, and everyone started flying out of the back of this tiny plane. But as soon as I was out, I felt so alive. My whole body was tingling afterwards.
It was about a 15 second freefall, and I was able to get it all on video, as I had someone fall with me with a camera strapped to their head. They shot video an took pictures, but I have to get the roll developed, then I'll put some of them up on the web page.
After I jumped, there was one other person who hadn't jumped, and the plane was pretty empty, so tey asked if anyone wanted to go on this load. I did, so I paid about half the price again, and went a second time.
This time was a lot better, the instructor got us to do some flips and spins, and it was about a 50 second freefall this time. Unbelieveable. I can almost guarantee I will be doing it again in the coming months. Only 10 more jumps till I get my skydiving license! Ha ha!
Other than that, I haven't been doing too much lately. I've been hanging out around the city, just checking things out, and getting used to being here. I coul easily live in Sydney for the rest of my life, it's such a great city. The people are really friendly, it's clean, and there's so many things to do.
I seem to have come down with a cold or something, as I couldn't sleep last night, and my throat is killing me, my head's stuffed up, and I break out into cold sweats every once in a while. Hopefully that will pass soon enough, cuz I don't like being sick on vacation.
Next week I'm going to Canberra to visit a friend, then off to Melbourne to see what they have to offer. I've heard that people who land in Sydney tend to like Sydney more than Melbourne, and people who land in Melbourne tend to like it more than Sydney. We'll see. I don't think any place could top Sydney right now :)

So many people!

2006-10-16T11:10:00.000+10:00

Here's Matt and Megan, a couple from England that I met. They're pretty cool, we've been hanging out at the downstairs bar every couple days. Matt thinks he's really good at pool, and he keeps beating me. We're no longer friends because of that fact.

This is Ian and Amy, a brother and sister from England staying in the same room as I am. I think they're staying till the end of the week, since it's his birthday on Saturday and he's got some friends coming in to help him celebrate.

I was playing pool with this tall Irishman named Tom, and we stunk up the joint, not even potting any balls before Matt and Megan won. Apprently the rules are if you lose with 7 balls on the table, you need to run around the table with your plants around your ankles. I think they may have made that up, but I did it anyways. Crazy Europeans.

This is Carly, one of my roommates. She came in on the Thursday after I did. She's a little crazy, and is prone to ninja moves on the floor of the TV room down the hall late at night. Also, I'd recommend not falling asleep in her presence or she'll draw on your face with lip gloss, as one poor guy learned on Saturday night.

I have a lot of other pictures, most of which need more explanation than just 'here's so-and-so' so I'll have to make seperate posts for each of them, lest you think I olny took like 10 pictures this whole time.

More Pictures...

2006-10-15T14:49:00.000+10:00

Here's the sunrise over the mountain just outside the the airport in Fiji. I couldn't even leave the airport, as we were herded from the arrivals terminal to the transfers terminal. This was the only spot facing East where I could get a picture out of the window. I'm going to spend some more time in Fiji at some time too, it looked beautiful as we were flying out.

This guy is The Duke, the very first surfer to surf in Australia. He started it all, by watching some locals in Hawaii, or something. I dunno, I was pretty tired when we were getting the speech about what was what. I'll pay attention next time, I swear.

Here's a guy in a monkey suit. That's all that needs to be said.

Here's a view of Palm Beach from the Barrenjoey Headland, a lighthouse at the top of a cliff. Palm Beach is apparently where the rich and famous have houses. They all average about $1m, so I will have to wait till next year at least before I get one here.

More pictures will be forthcoming in the next little while. Whee!

Test with pictures?

2006-10-14T12:20:00.000+10:00

Yay! Me on the other side of the harbour from the Opera House and Harbour Bridge. I plan on doing the bridge walk possibly later this week, so I'll get some pictures and put them up.

First Post!

2006-10-14T09:19:00.000+10:00

OK, so I've finally got myself a blog, now to figure out how to get pics and stuff... *sigh* So many things i have to do...

Anyhow, first post should be about what I've done, not me whining about what I need to do. So to those of you who did not get my last email, I've just been checking out the sights and sounds of Sydney.

I'm staying right downtown near Chinatown in the Wake Up! Hostel. This has been a great time so far. They run tours around the city every week, just to check out the various beaches and landmarks in the area. The Opera House is a lot bigger than I thought it would be, I'll tell you that. But it's pricey to see a show, so I may not be able to do that while I'm here, unless I get myself a high paying job. That actually seems to be pretty easy to do, some of the girls staying in the hostel have already gotten jobs paying them, like, $1000/week. That's not bad scratch...

Observations abot Sydney: Not having spent any time in a big European city, I don't have anything to cmpare it to, but it's different than any North American city I've ever been in. I can't find any 'malls' or big box stores. Even their supermarkets are no bigger than our 7-11's. Oh yes, and there's McDonalds out here, all over the place. I haven't eaten in one yet (why would I travel all this way to eat a Big mac anyways?) but apparently the Aussies go mental for them. Every time I've walked by one, they're always queued up 20 people deep, no joke. It's crazy!

But I'll end this here, and I'll update in the next couple days.

Cheers!

Kev in Aus

What's My Name??

6 Months Later....

Wow

Hiatus

Get Yer Pope On!

Merry Christmas!

Happy Canada Day!

I've Been Goomba-fied!

Musical Interlude

Happy Birthday to Me!

Crazy Gravedigger

Home Sweet Home

Happy Easter!

No, I'm Not Commando

I'm Not Quite Dead Yet!

OMFG

Happy New Year!

Merry Christmas!

What You've All Been Waiting For:

Hilarious Aussie Town Names

So Brisbane Eh?

Oh Oz, You Know Not What You've Done

Oi...

Limbo

Leaving Paradise

1 Year Later....

Pics!

Gutted!

Yarr Me Hearties!

5 Best Aussie TV Shows

Good News?

I'm Down With the Sickness

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

Responses

Kevin = Not Homeless!

Bah...

Whew...

Work, Work, Work

Quick! Man the Monkey-Cannons®!

Toowoomba, Toowoomba

Byron Bay Birthday Bash

The Ultraviolet Garden

How'd That monkey Get Up That Tree?

Oh Yes...

Winter Is A-Comin!

My Mind is Like a Sieve with No Handle

Why Would Anyone Want to Live in Winnipeg?

13 Rules for Dining in an Italian Restaurant

Kenya Feel the Excitment???

Finally! Random Pictures!

It Feels Like Home Again...

Frustration Sets In...

Insert Witty Title Here

Why Do I Like It Here So Much?

Another Quick Update

Another Chapter Finished

Things Are Going Swimmingly

This is the end....

Simpson's Quiz

Stay the Course, Kevy, You're Doing Super!

Random Pics and Updates!

Happy New Year!

2006 : An Introspective

Whatever Shall I Do?

Really Quick Update

What I Miss About Canada...

I did WHAT?

Money Matters

Same Old, Same Old...

Typical...

Placeholder!

*Sigh*

Buenos Noche el Mexicano!

28 Days Later

Back in the Saddle Again...

The Melbourne Identity

I Canberra, Can You?

Passport.... to Drunkenness

Now I'm Freeeeee! Free Fallin'!

Sigh